Yesterday was a rancid fried rice experience. Today was a good rice experience. Last night E (who likes to be called “Mr. Girth”) was over at our apt hanging out with G and sketchily called me over being like “yo I have a present for you, it rhymes with stick.” Great, I thought, what do you want. I was half expecting him to pull out a used condom or something when what he actually pulled out was A TAKEOUT BOX OF DERICIOUS CHINESE FOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMGOMOGMOGMOMG it was literally a only-half-eaten thing of general gao’s with white rice.
FOR ME!??!??!??!?!??! I asked. Yeah you can have it. Mr. Girth was leaving for Vancouver in the morning and wasn’t going to be able to eat it for lunch the next day anyway, so he gave me all his leftovers. I was so excited — this was my chance to symbolically redeem the rancid fried rice that had gone to waste the day before. I decided to ask Mr. Girth for his advice and told him my rancid fried rice experience and asked him how I could remedy this situation moving forward.
He stared at me for a few minutes as if I was retarded and said, why don’t you just put it in the fridge tonight and write yourself a post-it note as a reminder to take it to work in the morning. I stared at him back as if he was retarded and said, CLEARLY I don’t own any post-it notes, do I look like an office. Why don’t you just write yourself a note on any piece of paper. I don’t own any pieces of paper. Why don’t you email yourself. I don’t check my email in the morning.
After about 15 minutes of this I finally gave in and agreed to refridgerate the food overnight, email myself a reminder and check email in the morning so that Mr. Girth’s general gao’s with white rice would not go to waste. Lo and behold, this morning I woke up, remembered to check email, saw note to self to take food from kitchen fridge to work, and had the dericious general gao’s with white rice for lunch today. SUCCESS!
Poverexic in NYC 