Archive | March, 2009

Tuesday 3/31

31 Mar

12:43 pm

IM from coworker P:

P (12:16:32 PM): hey
P (12:16:43 PM): so we are ordering lunch again today – but i still have like half of my greek salad from yesterday
P (12:16:49 PM): do you want it? or is that gross bc i ate it
UM.  CLEARLY it is NOT gross.  I WANT.  So I had like an entire Greek salad for lunch today.
3:21 pm
Just got this news alert from WebMD:
Bad News for Bacon Lovers
Seen in recipes and discussed on morning talk shows, bacon seems to be back in a big way. But that’s not such a good thing. Reduced-fat varieties and turkey bacon are definitely better choices. Get the Bottom Line on Bacon
Reduced-fat varities and turkey bacon?!?!  No thanks.  Fuck you, WebMD.
11:05 pm
Isn’t life funny.  I hadn’t had salad in like weeks, and now today I get 2 different people’s leftover Greek salads at 2 different meals.  Went to Uncle Nick’s in midtown west because J was in town – of course I felt obligated to order something even though I clearly didn’t want to because I was with a crowd that I knew for a fact would produce leftovers, but I felt awk being the only one not ordering dinner, so I got myself a plate of Greek fries ($4.50).  Throughout the course of the meal, J/S/D all try to feed me food, and I am just like NO! <<slap>> NO!  <slap>> NO!  <<slap>> I wait until you are so full you want to explode, and then I will eat what you don’t eat.  Finally, after some convincing, at the very end of the meal, J gives me half of her lamb, S gives me an entire hunk of feta cheese soaked in olive oil, and D gives me half of his Greek salad, which, all combined together, gave me the most delicious, filling Greek salad-with-extra-feta-cheese-and-lamb ever.
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Monday 3/30

30 Mar

In Defense of Poverexia

Today roommate G chastised me, essentially, for being a moocher.  Now I’ve heard this time and time again, and I can completely see how someone who just casually observes my habits might think so.  But observe carefully, my friend: I don’t take people’s food; I take people’s waste.  What people fail to realize is just how much waste they produce on a daily basis, and I’m not talking about shit.  I literally wait until you put the leftover chow mein in the trash to yell STOP RIGHT THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I literally wait until the waiter takes away your far-from-empty plate to yell STOP RIGHT THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s amazing how far one individual can go on everyone else’s waste.  When I was a waitress at the Hong Kong Bar & Restaurant, I survived off secretly eating people’s leftover scallion pancakes and crab rangoon.

That’s a lie.  We had a free dining hall back then.  derrr… awk.

Anyway, today G ate his sesame beef but then started to throw away the container that still had 6 healthy pieces of broccoli in it.

ASDKHljkh@#*&^&%!^@&^(AJKAHSDKJ@# I yelled.

Jesus, you’re such a scrounger!

No sir, I prefer the term “garbage disposal.”  My little garbage disposal.

Sunday 3/29

29 Mar

This was just another one of those typical weekends.

On Saturday I had my usual beef and broccoli with white rice from Tasty King as soon as I woke up at 1pm.  Then, the entire rest of the day, literally all I did was watch TV and fall asleep, watch TV and fall asleep, then watch TV and fall asleep.  As I’ve mentioned in a previous blog entry, this is a key tactic for poverexics — sleeping through the entire weekend ensures you use up as few calories as possible (ie, save them up for later) and thus decreases the degree of hunger you feel.  When I woke up from my nap(s) circa 9pm, all I needed was a beer to fill my tummy and I was golden.

The night got better when CM gave me a full beer that someone didn’t want at Sweet & Vicious, then we went to Grassroots where beers are $3, then we went to McDonalds at 3am where CG proceeded to order 30 chicken nuggets and fries.  I helped him out some.  But my poverexia’s worst enemy is my extremely slow eating speed.  You would think that I would have learned by now to eat at lightening fast speed, but I am just so slow, ugh.  (This really hit home for me in college when I was dead last in a campus hot dog eating contest. :()  I was trying to chug those chicken nuggets, but I was only through 8 (and A only wanted 6) when CG was already at nugget #14 and then grabs the last 2 in my box of 10.  Sigh.  I really can’t complain, though, since CG put all the nuggets on his card.  So really it was a great win of a night for me.

On Sunday I had my usual beef and broccoli with white rice from Tasty King as soon as I woke up at 1pm.  Then, the entire rest of the day, literally all I did was watch TV and fall asleep, watch TV and fall asleep, then watch TV and fall asleep.

Yes, I did just copy and paste from above.

Thursday 3/26

26 Mar

Things I’ve eaten today:

  • 2 Dum-Dums
  • 1 Samoa
  • 1 canned soup
  • 6 cups of coffee

Things I didn’t pay for:

  • 2 Dum-Dums
  • 1 Samoa
  • 6 cups of coffee

Wednesday 3/25

25 Mar

12:47 pm

After finishing the 3 oranges I stole yesterday for today’s breakfast, my boss gave me HER LEFTOVER MAC & CHEESE RIGHT AFTER OUR CLIENT CALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3:34 pm

AN ENTIRE BOX OF COOKIES IN THE CAFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3:35 pm

All the cookies gone.  Luckily I snagged 3 and immediately stuffed them in my face.

3:40 pm

An all-staff email from EVP C:

Hi all,

Just left a box of delicious cookies from the Austin office on the cafe counter — Enjoy!

Best,

C

Way ahead of you C, way ahead of you.  You clearly underestimate us.

6:38 pm

TWO LEFTOVER MINI CUPCAKES ON THE CAFE COUNTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I feel bad so I only take one.  I go to the bathroom and decide that if the other cupcake is still there by the time I walk back, I get to take it.

6:41 pm

Walking back from the bathroom … Dammit.  Cupcake gone.  Jesus people are quick around here.

Just then, coworker D walks by — “L, I left you a treat on your desk!  Have a good night!”

Gasp!  I run back to my desk … CUPCAKE.

9:12 pm

ROOMMATE G BRINGS HOME HALF A DOZEN DUNKIN’ DONUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This has been a sweet day.

Tuesday 3/24

24 Mar

10:35 am

ORANGES ARE THE FRUIT OF THE WEEK AT THE OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Number of oranges I’ve eaten as of 10:35 am : 4

Percent intake of Vitamin C as of 10:35 am : 800

Risk of acidic overdose as of 10:35 am : 75%

Number of oranges I’ve stashed for tomorrow : 3

4:43 pm

LEFTOVER PIZZA IN THE OFFICEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am really ecstatic because it’s tomato basil mozarella.  I am really upset because I literally just finished my thing of ramen literally 2 minutes ago.  If I had been alerted to the free pizza boxes 5 minutes earlier, I wouldn’t have opened a new thing of ramen and would have an extra thing of ramen for another day.  Moving forward — in the words of Tracy Morgan from “REALLY!?! with Tracy Morgan” — I really really really REALLY don’t want you to do this.  REALLY.

9:21 pm

Total of items I’ve consumed today:

4 fresh oranges

1 ramen (chicken flavor)

1 pizza slice (tomato basil mozarella)

Monday 3/23

23 Mar

Well, you can say this weekend was a Patsy’s pizza weekend, meaning, I only ate Patsy’s pizza literally all weekend.

On Saturday S, B, A, C and I were March Madness-ing at S’s and we decide to accompany our beers and Bourbon with some food.  We go into literally a 20 minute discussion on whether we should order pizza or Vietnamese food, and of course pizza wins because the crowd was 3.5 white people vs 1.5 Asians  (A = 1/2 and 1/2).

But the thing is, there were 5 people, but I was surprisingly genuinely not hungry at all (full of B&B, beer and bourbon), and B is an anorexic vegan — i.e., really only S, A and C were going to be eating.  S knew this, but of course he orders 3 large pizzas for 3 eating people.  So the pizza comes, and naturally A and C only eat 2 slices like normal people, S eats like 6, I help myself to all the crust that he leaves behind, and B nervously picks off the mushrooms and sun dried tomatoes.

Then there’s literally an entire large pizza leftover, and I get really upset because I hate it (slash, LOVE IT) when people overestimate the amount of food they’re going to be eating and waste a ton of good food.  As per the usual, I start yelling at S and lecturing him on how to accurately estimate the amount of pizza he should order for 2 normal people + 1 anorexic + 1 poverexic + 1 man bear pig, and I am trying to understand why bankers like him choose to throw good leftovers away instead of saving it for later like a normal-income person.

Anyway, needless to say, I lost the battle (slash, WON THE BATTLE) and took home the entire large leftover pizza, which became my meals for literally the entire weekend.