Monday 3/30

30 Mar

In Defense of Poverexia

Today roommate G chastised me, essentially, for being a moocher.  Now I’ve heard this time and time again, and I can completely see how someone who just casually observes my habits might think so.  But observe carefully, my friend: I don’t take people’s food; I take people’s waste.  What people fail to realize is just how much waste they produce on a daily basis, and I’m not talking about shit.  I literally wait until you put the leftover chow mein in the trash to yell STOP RIGHT THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I literally wait until the waiter takes away your far-from-empty plate to yell STOP RIGHT THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s amazing how far one individual can go on everyone else’s waste.  When I was a waitress at the Hong Kong Bar & Restaurant, I survived off secretly eating people’s leftover scallion pancakes and crab rangoon.

That’s a lie.  We had a free dining hall back then.  derrr… awk.

Anyway, today G ate his sesame beef but then started to throw away the container that still had 6 healthy pieces of broccoli in it.

ASDKHljkh@#*&^&%!^@&^(AJKAHSDKJ@# I yelled.

Jesus, you’re such a scrounger!

No sir, I prefer the term “garbage disposal.”  My little garbage disposal.

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