Poverexic in NYC

Got the most EXCITING EMAIL EVER from LP on Thursday:

Buy one brunch, get one free

HOLY CRAP WHAT THE WHAAAAAAAAAAA!??!????!?!  HOW DID YOU EVEN COME ACROSS THIS AND WHY ARE YOU SO NICE TO INVITE ME?!?!??!??!?!  I couldn’t even believe it.  I had walked by City Crab a million times and always wanted to go because I love seafood and I had never been able to go because I don’t eat out at restaurants.  We made a reservation for Sunday (today) at 12:30pm — while this would cut into my usual Tasty King time, I knew this was going to be worth it.

This morning I woke up at 10am disgusted after having painfully suffered through the oddest, gayest hookup experience I’d ever gone through in my entire life and proceeded to wake roommate K up to tell her the ridiculous 20-minute story, then caught roommate L as he was coming home from an almost-equally terrible hookup experience and proceeded to tell him the ridiculous 20-minute story, then got to City Crab at 12:30pm to meet LP and C and proceeded to tell them the ridiculous 20-minute story.  I had never been so irritated in my life and there was nothing better to calm my fury than with a free seafood brunch.  And boy was the free brunch worth it:

Crabmeat omelette

I got an incredibly delicious omelette with crabmeat, spinach, tomatoes and fontina, with a side of potatoes and toast, all accompanied by a basket of mini muffins and mini breads.  I cleaned my plate over more amusing weekend stories while LP finished her scrambled eggs and left bits of tomato and all 4 of her slices of toast on her plate and C picked at her grilled chicken sandwich and left half of the baguette and all of her side of fries on her plate.  After about an hour, the waiter came by and started to take C’s plate of leftover baguette and fries.  DON’T YOU DARE TAKE THAT PLATE AWAY.  So in addition to a free brunch, I scored all of C’s fries as well.  Thanks to LP and C, my incredible Sunday morning totally made up for my unfortunate Saturday night.

I did okay for myself this weekend.  I scored quite a lot of free food over the weekend, and I’m trying to think how I will make that last another day given I don’t have work tomorrow.  On Friday S suggested dinner to A, B and me, which of course meant that only S and A would be eating food, and B (the anorexic) and I (the poverexic) would only be drinking booze.  I didn’t really want to go since I kinda have a policy against going out to dinners (my policy is I don’t do that), but I decided to go since I hadn’t seen the group in a while and I knew I could score some free bites from S and A.  So I accompanied them for dinner while B sat talking about how he had to go back to the gym first thing in the morning and I drank 2 glasses of Malbec and stole bites of steak and ceviche from S and A.

Saturday was a really painful day, not so much because of the hangover but more so because I had to make it to my coworker’s engagement party on 168th St and Broadway.  UM KILL MYSELF.  I hadn’t gone above 33rd in like a year for good reason.  Anyway I had to trek up there because I am a good coworker and because I was lured by promises of eggs, pancakes and mimosas.  I’m not sure I would go as far as to say the trip was worth it given it was over an hour commute each way from Stuy Town, but I was really impressed by the fact that the engagement brunch was not just your typical eggs, pancakes and mimosas.  The mimosas had fresh strawberries in them, the scrambled eggs had cheddar cheese and pepper and salt in them, and the pancakes had freshly ground cinnamon and fresh bananas in them — I had never seen anything like it!  I am continually so impressed by people who have the ability to make things from scratch and have the courage to use fresh ingredients.

Saturday night was another win when roommate L decided to cook the thickest cut of steak I have ever seen in my life — it was literally an entire side of a cow — and the thickest bacon strips I have ever seen in my life.  It felt like Peter Lugar in the comfort of my own home, except even better because the bacon strips weren’t served on a plate — they were served in super strong bloody mary’s, which may explain how 4 roommates went through a huge handle of vodka in one night.  And then the night continued with free goodies when we hung out with some Bloomberg boys who bought us drinks the entire night.  Needless to say, the night ended poorly and with poor recollection.

Today the alcohol woke me up early and led me to make the biggest mistake ever of deciding to branch out and get something that wasn’t Tasty King.  HUGE MISTAKE.  Ugh, I am so disappointed every time I branch out.  This is why I hardly ever do it.  Instead of my usual $5 lunch special chicken and broccoli with white rice and wonton soup, I got this $6 beef over noodle soup lunch special with wonton soup and fried rice from Mee Noodle, which I thought I remembered as being super dericious when I had eaten there once a year ago.  It was soooooo not worth the extra $1, and I didn’t even get my fried rice with the lunch special and when I called Mee Noodle to complain, the Asian lady yelled Asian at me for like 10 minutes explaining how the noodles don’t come with a side of fried rice and then I yelled back at her in my Asian voice for another 10 minutes that her restaurant was SOOOOOOO not better than Tasty King.

That was really my only financial loss of the weekend, though, so I’m doing okay.

Yesterday was a day full of pizza and cupcakes!  At noon I had this “diversity meeting” to discuss diversity.  I thought they had just picked out all the minorities at the office and pulled them into a room, but when I got to the meeting I was literally the only minority out of a group of 6 people.  Don’t know why I was surprised by this since the entire PR industry is just young pretty white girls.  I only fit 2 out of those 3 criteria.  Guess which 2.

Anyway, so we sat around discussing diversity for an hour which mainly meant me voicing my opinion at every question being like “No, I don’t think our company is diverse.  Everyone at our office is a young blond white girl, and I am only 2 of those,” and everyone else agreeing.  But the best part of this entire meeting was the boxes and boxes of pizza, which was clearly left untouched by all the girls at the meeting and consumed solely by ME.

Then I came home to some dericious pizza cupcakes made by roommate M for dinner, followed by dericious red velvet cupcakes made by roommate K for dessert.  I felt like I was on Wheel of Fortune, category: Before and After.  Riddle: What all did I eat today?

Pizza — Pizza Cupcakes — Cupcakes

Before and After!  Da na na naaaaaaaa!

And then here’s a lovely limerick composed by roommate M about us:

four roomies enjoyed pizza cupcakes
as much as they like cooking up steaks
poverexic at times
and saving their dimes
until they could eat away their stomachs

Last night I finally used the Benihana $50 gift certificate that my bosses had gifted me for my birthday back in September.  This — combined with the fact that just last week I had finally finished using up my $25 gift certificate that my sister had gifted me for my birthday back in September — exemplifies how excellent I am at making food last as long as possible.  This is like how I will go grocery shopping in July (buying about $25 worth of canned soup and instant noodles) and make that last through December.

Anyway, so last night I took my roommates K, L and M out to dinner at Benihana’s with me because I was feeling especially generous (only for my roommates), and it was the most incredible food experience ever.  Teppanyaki and sushi are quite possibly the only things I like about Japan.  And those teppanyaki chefs looooooove an audience like us — we’re so friendly and we constantly cheer them on and we always finish all the food they put on our plates.  And any burned pieces they leave on the griddle.

Here was our meal:

Jumbo Shrimp

Swift Hands

Filet Mignon

As most of you probably know, Benihana gives you an amazing deal where with an entree you get mushroom onion soup, salad, shrimp appetizer, a side of rice, and grilled zucchini, mushrooms and onions.  I got FILET MIGNON. 🙂 🙂 🙂

Happy very belated birthday to me.

Yesterday was my boss J’s last day in the office. 😦  It was a sad day, but the happiest part was that I inherited all her food.  Boss J was known for her entire cardboard box full of goodies, and I was known for my bottomless pit of a stomach, so we were really compatible at work.  When she left, she literally left the entire box at my desk because she knew none of the other girls would take it.  YES.  I WILL TAKE IT.

When I opened the box, it was like Christmas morning, except better.  Because I stopped getting gifts for Christmas the year I stopped believing in Santa.  Which was when I was like 18.

Anyway.

The box contained beautiful presents like Kashi cereal, canned soup, one of those big containers of oatmeal, a jar of soybutter, a jar of almond butter, a half-eaten bag of cinnamon raisin bread, a box of Altoids, a bottle of vitamin C tablets and a bottle of multivitamins, among other things that I hadn’t even uncovered yet.

This should probably last me the rest of Q1 2010.  My squirrel cheeks are stored sooo full of nuts right now.

SQUIRREL!!!!!!  I just met you and I love you.

Yesterday — Sunday — roommate K put on her coat in the late afternoon and told me she was heading to the grocery store.  Um, why.  It’s Sunday.  Why are you leaving the couch.  I was so confused, but her answer was MUSIC TO MY EARS!!!!!!!

“I’m going to bake cupcakes.”

WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!!!!!!!!!!  How do you make cupcakes?!??!?!?!  I thought she was going to come home with Pillsbury just-add-water cupcake mix, but instead she came home with an entire bag of fresh ingredients!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  What the WHAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ingredients

How is it red?!?!?!

Red Velvet Deliciousness

Pre-Icing

Red Velvet Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Icing

I was super impressed by roommate K.  This was a whole new world.  She even made the cream cheese icing from scratch!!!!!!!!!  I had never seen anything like it.  And the end product was RED VELVETY DERICIOUSNESS.  I had 2 for dinner today.

This weekend was absolutely incred.  It all started out with an amazing Friday afternoon at work where admin A gave us the heads up that there were 3 client meetings going on that day with both breakfast and lunch foods.  JACKPOT!!!!!!!!  Coworker K and I, who sit right next to admin A, were designated as the team leaders for heading up this scouting effort and responsible for alerting the rest of the team when each of the meetings were finished.  Our office works on a first-come-first-serve basis, and I’m always first.  This Friday afternoon I scored a bagel and a plate full of strawberries from the breakfast meeting, and then 2 sliders, a mini salami sandwich, a mini turkey sandwich, and a mini tomato mozzarella sandwich, bowtie pasta, a plate of salad, 2 diet Cokes and 3 vanilla cookies from the lunch meetings.  I really did a great job of securing a well balanced meal for myself that day.

Then on Friday night I met my puta J for “dinner,” which really just meant that J would eat dinner and I would just sit there and drink with her.  We met at Republic, though, and the menu just looked so good and I felt like a real girl not eating at the table, so I decided to order a $4 pork bruschetta.  We ended up eating and drinking for like 3 hours and then decided to go crash S’s date with some dude who claimed to be an FBI agent (uh huh) at this really nice French restaurant nearby.  Then circa 2am it was off to meet F and roommates at Solas, where F bought me beers and shots all night long because he is a generous man and is not poverexic.  Shots shots shots shots if you ain’t gettin drunk get the fuck out the club!!!

Saturday was the day I was really waiting for — M’s birthday party.  This party was a train wreck in a really great way.  We started out at W’s apartment for a pregame consisting of the most impressive spread of foods I’ve ever seen at a pregame, which of course constituted my dinner.

Pregame Food

And the most adorable cupcakes ever from Cupcakes by Melissa:

Mini Cupcakes

I felt like I was in a scene from Alice in Wonderland.

This food was all accompanied by celebratory drinks funded by M’s dad J, who was generous enough to provide each of us there with our own bottle of prosecco, which really turned out to be serious bad news several hours later.  After an incred pregame, we all headed over to The Anchor, where M’s dad J again gifted us with table service and yet another bottle of champagne.  Within 30 minutes we were the sloppiest group of dancers anyone had ever seen in their lives, I was on a seriously aggressive mission to find men, and everyone had so much fun that none of us remembered what the hell happened the next morning.  I then proceeded to throw up a bottle of prosecco into the toilet this morning and attempted to settle my tummy with 3 cans of diet Coke.

Happy Birthday, M.  And thanks M’s dad J.

Last night I came home and remembered how much I had missed my roommates — it had practically been since before Christmas that I had seen them.  It was negative 50 degrees outside and I come home to the smell of homemade soup simmering on the stove with 2 huge bottles of wine next to the TV.  Roommate M was making his specialty tomato soup that’s apparently super healthy and simple — it’s literally just tomatoes and onions and a bunch of spices including basil, salt and pepper.  With a dollop of creme fraiche of course.  I’VE BEEN SO HEALTHY LATELY!!!

Then roommate M asks me the oddest question ever: “Do you want just a grilled cheese sandwich, or do you want a grilled cheese sandwich with bacon?”

UHHHHHHHH do I want a $10 bill or do I want a $100 bill?!?!??!  I mean what kind of question is that?!??!?!  UHHHHHHH HAROOOOO PREASSSEEEEEE.

Grilled cheese with tomato soup

And as if grilled cheese bacon sandwich dipped in fresh tomato soup with creme fraiche wasn’t good enough, roommate L then comes out of the kitchen with a plate full of delicious little babies:

STEAK

BEST ROOMMATES EVEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

J’S WEDDING WAS THE WEDDING OF THE YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Weddings are seriously the best free event for guests ever invented by mankind.  As the first wedding I’ve ever been in, this one definitely far exceeded my expectations.  This was an entire weekend just packed full of activities:

New Year’s Eve — happy hour, dinner, going out

New Year’s Day — bridal brunch, rehearsal dinner, dessert party

Wedding Day — brunch, cocktail hour, reception dinner, wedding cake

And New Year’s Day and Wedding Day were LITERALLY 100% FREE AND DERICIOUS.  HEART J AND HER FAM!!!!!!!

Free meal #1: Bridal brunch — homemade blintzes with fruit, cinnamon buns and mimosas:

Bridal Brunch

Free meal #2: Rehearsal dinner — BY FAR the best food experience of the entire weekend.

First, butler-style hors d’oeuvres that were constantly being passed around, along with trays of silver coin margaritas and trays of red and white wine, and it was all SO GOOD.  There was this sweetened ham thing on crostini, oyster with spinach and cheese in its oyster shell, ceviche with a creamy fish sauce, beef cheeks, veggie egg rolls, and some delicious thing on cucumber.  Not exaggerating, I had 5 ham things, 4 oysters, 3 ceviches, 4 beef cheeks, 2 egg rolls and 2 cucumber things.  The butler and I quickly became bff because I was the only one paying so much attention to him, and every time he’d come straight to me and stick the tray in my face and go “You know you waaaannnnnttttttt!!!”  Uhhhhhhhhh YES PREASEEEEEEE.

Rehearsal Dinner Hors D'Oeuvres

THEN THE REHEARSAL DINNER WAS THE MEAL I HAD BEEN WAITING FOR ALL THESE MONTHS: THE CORNBREAD STUFFED QUAIL AND FILET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  OMG it was everything I had ever hoped and dreamed.

Cornbread Stuffed Quail

Free meal #3: Dessert party — after the dinner party there were little mini desserts being passed around, accompanied by even more wine and margaritas.  They were all INCRED.

Dessert Party

This was all incred for me, but I was sitting next to bff D who kept having bad luck this rehearsal dinner night.  First, poor D over there was 1 of 2 Jews at this entire wedding, and she’s the real Jew kind so she couldn’t eat the ham things UM ONLY THE BEST ITEM ON THAT ENTIRE TRAY.  Unfortunate Jew.  Second, she chose the salmon dish over the cornbread stuffed quail and filet.  Poor choice.  Third, she’s allergic to chocolate so she couldn’t try the most delicious dessert of them all: the mini chocolate cakes with raspberry.  THREE STRIKES AND YOU’RE OUT, MY FRIEND!  Actually not really.  Regardless of food choice/restrictions, everything was super dericious.  I ate so much and my dress was so tight at the waist that by the end of the night, I was literally throwing up a little in my mouth.  In a happy way.

Free meal #4: Wedding day lunch — a really good beef sandwich on olive bread with sea salt chips while we’re getting J ready for her big day:

Wedding Day Lunch

Free meal #5: Wedding reception!!! The big day came with mini quesadillas, quiches and crab cakes during cocktail hour, followed by an incred soup, salad and chicken cordon bleu type dish EXCEPT WITH BACON BITS INSIDE with mashed potatoes and green beans.  Again, Jew D couldn’t eat the bacon bits so I hovered over her plate eating the bacon while she ate the chicken around it.

Wedding Reception

The best free portion of the wedding reception, though, was the open bar where I had 2 margaritas, 4 Jack and cokes and a glass of red wine and wasn’t even tipsy because of all the dericious food that I had consumed over the past several days that was padding my happy belly.

This was seriously the best weekend ever.  Despite my strong feelings against monogamy, I strongly support the social celebration that always accompanies marriages.  Cheers to J&M!!!