Archive | August, 2009

Friday 8/28

28 Aug

FINALLY!!!  The past 24 hours was what I had been waiting for ALL WEEK.  I was walking home from work at a reasonable hour last night when I get a call from the roommates that they are making JUICY LUCY’S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

So Juicy Lucy’s are this incredible discovery we made through Man v. Food with Adam Richman — basically you take two hamburger patties, put a bulk of cheese in between them and squish the edges, then cook the burger so the cheese melts inside and oozes out the burger.  We put blue cheese in ours and it was incred.  It’s called a “Juicy Lucy” because apparently the first person who ever tried it yelled, “Well now that’s a JUICY LUCY” when he bit into it and the cheese squirted out.

Mushrooms and Bacon

Mushrooms and Bacon

Juicy Patties

Juicy Patties

JUICY LUCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JUICY LUCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


And then after we stuffed ourselves with Juicy Lucy’s, we went pregaming, and then I had a real juicy lucy.  Speaking of juicy and Jamba Juice, this reminds me of a nice email I received from friend D yesterday morning at 10am:

I’ll be your Pomegranite Pick-Me-Up and then make sure we Mango-a-go-go all night long until you are in Blackberry Bliss and we each Peach Pleasure each other. And then I Cu-Cum-burrrr on your face.
Then today was the best Friday ever when I scored myself a roast beef sandwich, mushrooms and orzo and caesar salad, and then coworker K and I discovered a party going on over in finance, so we pretended to blend in and make friends and stole some delicious meatballs, chips and guac, spinach dip, donuts, salami, grapes, bruschetta and fruit tarts.  What a great way to start the weekend.

Wednesday 8/26

26 Aug

Today, I had canned split pea soup with ham with half a bag of freezer burnt veggies that I had completely forgotten about that had been sitting in the office freezer since spring of last year.  When I opened the bag, literally half of it was pure ice and the rest was disgusting looking colors of I don’t know what.  But I was quickly running out of food and there was no free food at the office and this was one of my few options left, along with some Japanese balls of sugar that my mother gave me for the holidays.  So I figured if I heated the freezer burnt veggies in the microwave for 5 minutes on high, everything would be fine, and then I would mix it in with my canned soup.

I guess that worked.  Wasn’t so delicious.

Thank god later in the afternoon we had an office birthday celebration where there was stale popcorn and sun chips and chocolate cake and bottles of water, which became my dinner.

I am so hungry.

Tuesday 8/25

25 Aug

THIS WEEK SUCKS.  All I ate today was soup.  I am so hungry.


I am like the little match girl — every time I click on a link I dream of great feasts, like Thanksgiving.

Monday 8/24

24 Aug

This is going to be a terrible week.  It’s barely Monday and I already broke my $5.50-a-week challenge.  Actually I broke it yesterday not even 5 hours after I set my new challenge because I got too hungry and had to order myself a Tasty King house special soup for another $5.50.  And then today was such a tease — I heard admin A talking about what I thought was a lunch meeting, and turns out there were only snacks and at the end of the meeting, all that was left were a few pieces of Swedish Fish (which of course I nibbled on for lunch).  So I had to order myself another chicken and broccoli with white rice today when I got home.  The only good thing that came out of today was I realized that this entire time, the chicken and broccoli was actually $5.25, a whole 25 cents cheaper than the beef and broccoli.  Now you may not think this is much, but I know for a fact that Suze Orman would agree this is huge — if I invest the 25 cents I could be spending on an upgrade from chicken to beef for the rest of my life, I could be rich by the time I’m dead.

I knew last week was too good to last forever.  This is going to be a terrible week.  In fact, I am so discouraged that I am contemplating the unthinkable: agreeing to a date to alleviate the costs of one meal later in the week, or at least one bloody mary as a soup substitute.  For those of you who know me, you know that this is when things have gotten really, really bad.  For my poverexic self, even the benefit of the promise of free food and drinks is far from outweighing the risk of the terrible inconvenience and annoyingly unnecessary chatting that our sick society has somehow made into an unspoken mandatory chore that has to go into ultimately getting laid.

I’ve only been on two dates in my entire years of life: the first I agreed to only because he was the owner of one of my fav campus bars Grafton, and I went in hopes that if I went on this one date, I would earn free drinks for the rest of my life, and this combined with the fact that I already got free drinks at the Kong from being a bartender there meant that I would have won 2 out of my 3 fav bars, and I would be set for life.  But the free pad thai and promise of free future drinks were definitely not worth having to witness my date experiencing a nervous breakdown and severe eye twitching for the entire duration of our dinner (I thought this was the kind of thing you only hear about in fictional horror stories — he was the fictional horror story).

Then, the second date I only agreed to go on because he was my friend’s cousin and I didn’t want to explain my true feelings to her that I think whoever came up with the concept of dates was a bored, sexually incompetent individual and it is my personal mission to convince each and every one of my girl friends to join me in this movement to crush a tradition that has lasted a few decades too long.  Anyway, I almost thought that the delicious watermelon and dirty martini from this second date would be worth it, until I had to go through trying to schedule the follow-up date, which was worse than trying to coordinate a client call with a very busy client (I was the very busy client).  And since I didn’t have an admin to schedule my dates, it just got way too difficult and annoying to follow through with this.

In conclusion, despite the fact that I hate dates and encourage every single one of my friends to say NO to dates and stand up for sex, this week I am prepared to go against everything I believe in and everything I stand for to suck it up and go on a fucking date.  Why?  Because I am so, so hungy, and I am so, so poor.  I have reached a new low.

Sunday 8/23

23 Aug

I was so inspired by my successes last week that I may start a new $5.50-per-week challenge moving forward.  Yesterday I bought my usual Tasty King lunch special chicken and broccoli with pork fried rice and wonton soup, only ate half of it all day yesterday, and ate the rest today.

Then today a great thing happened when I went over to M’s apt to do some work.  She ordered this delicious sounding salad from Lenny’s, but when it came, M takes one look at it, makes this really distressed face, and goes “What IS this, I didn’t order this sald, wtf, what IS this, I got balsamic vinaigrette, this isn’t balsamic vinaigrette, WTF.”  She very angrily picks up her phone, calls Lenny’s back and she starts yelling “HI.  I JUST ORDERED A SALAD.  I ASKED FOR BALSAMIC VINAIGRETTE BUT I GOT THIS WEIRD CREAMY DRESSING INSTEAD.  I NEED YOU TO BRING ME BACK MY CORRECT ORDER IMMEDIATELY.”  The wrath of M.  Can’t get that dressing wrong, no no.

I of course was thinking to myself, I like creamy dressing.  DON’T THROW IT OUT, I yelled to M as I saw her putting the lid back on her salad.  “Oh no, sorry – you’re out of luck this time; they always ask to give back the wrong order.”  What?  I had never heard of such a thing!  Don’t they usually let you keep the wrong order since it was THEIR fault???  I was discouraged.  I thought I’d score a free salad.

The delivery guy comes again with the new order, but to my ecstatic surprise, he didn’t ask for the wrong order back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  My eyes were gleaming and I was just waiting for M to give me the approval to dive in.  “You can have this salad with the gross dressing.”  YES!!!  It was the most incred salad ever, full of nutrition and healthy things like heart of palm, corn, chicken, raisins, mandarin oranges, etc etc etc.

Saturday 8/22

22 Aug

SUCCESS!  I totally succeeded in going 8 straight days only spending $5.50 on food (meaning, from last Friday to yesterday, the only food I had to buy with my own money was Sunday’s Tasty King lunch special for $5.50).

Yesterday at work I was talking about how hungry I was, and coworker A tells me “Oh, I still have that entire thing of Chinese food I ordered for the team lunch.  It’s from Tuesday though. Do you still want it?  I’m sure it’s gross by now.”  UM YES.  WHY DON’T YOU WANT IT.  “Ew, because it’s from Tuesday.”  OK!!!  I run to the fridge and I see that she had literally barely touched her lunch special from Tuesday’s lunch — it was an entire takeout box still completely full of steamed chicken and broccoli with brown rice.  It was the best thing ever.  And then coworker A proceeds to buy a pork sandwich, which she also didn’t finish and gave to me later in the afternoon.  I just don’t understand why people act like this.  Like if you have an entire box of takeout food leftover, why would you go out and buy fresh food.  It is such a waste of money.  People are so wasteful.

Anyway, in celebration of my incredibly successful endeavor of going 8 days on $5.50 on food (that’s less than 69 CENTS per day!!!), and as an early birthday gift, S bought me tickets to the Puppetry of the Penis which was the most incredible show of two 20-something-year-old guys playing with their dicks and forming impressive installations out of their wee wees, such as a twat, a Brazilian twat, camel toe, the brain (which C used to do for me all the time in college), roller skates, baby bird feeding, sea anemone, mollusk, snail, KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN, DRUM STICK, HOT DOG, HAMBURGERRRRRRR, etc.  I started to get really hungry.  S couldn’t make it to the show so instead I took K, who was equally hungry after seeing the hot dog and the hamburger on the show and bought herself a bbq hamburger with caramelized onions post-show from a nearby cafe.  I of course just enjoyed the burger vicariously.

Thursday 8/20

20 Aug

7th day (inclusive) of free food.  I am on an incredible streak.  Streak reminds me of steak.  Today there was the most amazing lunch at work — grilled salmon, thick slices of roast beef, grilled veggies, salad with berries and walnuts, bruschetta and roasted potatoes — my plate was piled so high, higher than anyone else’s.  I have been eating so healthily lately.  And then for dessert there were mini fruit tarts and chocolate covered strawberries.  RUCKYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Despite the amount of food I ate for lunch, I was still hungry by 5pm — unfortunately I had a dentist appointment today and my mouth and tongue were completely numb from the novocaine until 9pm so I couldn’t eat dinner.  (Girls, the novocaine diet is the next fad diet.)  I guess that worked out financially for me, though.  If I can somehow find some free food tomorrow, I will have gone an entire full week spending a week-long total of only $5.50 on food.

Wednesday 8/19

19 Aug

Ate my King Wok lunch special chicken and broccoli with pork fried rice with some of boss S’s leftover brown rice for lunch today.  Then, for dinner roommate L made the most dericious seared tuna salad with nuts and berries and cheese, tomato mozzarella dill, and spicy chicken, with a huge bottle of Chilean wine.


Dericious Dinner

Dericious Dinner

A limerick about the Weight Watchers monster, composed by roommate L:

A monster there was with endless capacity
To dole out grub with fierce veracity
Handfuls of candy
Make Risa randy
The greatest creature in all of New York City

Weight Watchers Monster

Weight Watchers Monster

Roommate L is my Weight Watchers monster — he is like HERE!  TAKE THIS DERICIOUS PLATE OF FOOD!  HERE!  HAVE THIS DERICIOUS DINNER!  The greatest creature in all of New York City!!!

Tuesday 8/18

18 Aug

GASPPPPPPP I had completely forgotten that today is our company summer outing starting in the afternoon (= FREE SNACKS AND DINNER) and team lunch to welcome back boss S from her maternity leave (= FREE LUNCH) !!!!!!!!!!!!!  This means that to be most optimally strategic, I should only eat half of my free team lunch today — I ordered King Wok lunch special chicken and broccoli with pork fried rice and egg roll (not as good as Tasty King lunch special) — with the plan to take advantage of free company summer outing food for dinner, and save the other half of free team lunch leftovers for tomorrow.  If I work this just right, it will mean that between Friday of last week and Wednesday of this week (inclusive, 6 days), I will have only spent $5.50 of my own cash on food (from Sunday’s Tasty King).

As we were finishing up our free team King Wok lunch, I noticed that boss S still had a healthy chunk of brown rice left in her takeout box and hadn’t touched her vegetable soup.  Suddenly she crumples up her napkin and throws it on top of her rice NO!  I gasped out loud in blasphemy and quietly whimpered.  “Oh, I’m so sorry, I forgot, here” she apologized and took her crumpled napkin off the perfectly good leftover brown rice and gave me her untouched soup.  Then we proceeded to get into a full team discussion as to whether I was starved as a child and if that’s how I became so poverexic.  Truth is, my mother – typical Asian mother – always strongly discouraged me from finishing my plate because she didn’t want me to get fat, so in retaliation – as the terribly disobedient child that I was – I actively trained myself to always clean my plate, and others’ plates too while I was at it.  (Despite that, I was still incredibly skinny as a child.)

Three hours later we were leaving for the annual company summer outing — dumbest event ever except I knew there was guaranteed promise of free food and drinks.  Last year’s summer outing was a boat cruise from Chelsea Piers, which in retrospect was much better than this year’s summer outing, which was at the Head of New York Office’s house in New Rochelle.  NEW ROCHELLE.  I don’t even know where the fuck that is nor do I give a shit — all I know is that it’s not in Manhattan and we have to take a one-hour bus ride out there (and it wasn’t even a party bus).  My anxiety level went sky high as I went farther and farther away from Manhattan (like that one time S dragged us all the way out to Harlem for the at-first-nonexistent fried chicken place), combined with the added anxiety that they hadn’t even told us what was going to be served at this outing.  I was terrified the food was going to be just mediocre and I was going to deeply regret going out to New Rochelle, but luckily despite the gross location the food was pretty incred — shrimp cocktail, bruschetta, crudite, really good watermelon mojitos, tuna tartare wrapped in cucumber, chunks of steak on potato chip with capers, mini pulled pork sandwiches, mini lobster rolls, BLT on a chip, sesame chicken, beignets, etc etc.

This is going to be a great week.  $5.50 in 6 days.  Yesssss.

Monday 8/17

17 Aug

I arrived at work to a pleasant surprise today — as I opened the fridge to put in my leftover Tasty King chicken and broccoli with white rice from yesterday in my usual location, I noticed that I had completely forgotten I still had leftover Penang pad thai from Friday’s dinner that coworker D and I expensed, which was just sitting there so peacefully and patiently in the office fridge with my name on it.  YES!!!  This was so great.  So that meant that today for lunch, I had the leftover pad thai from Friday’s dinner, and for dinner today I had leftover chicken and broccoli with white rice from yesterday.

THEN!  Later in the afternoon I came across the most incred opportunity ever.  C – who writes for Time Out New York – forwarded me the following reporter inquiry:

Hello all staff!
We are looking for a totally disgusting and unclean kitchen for a photo shoot next week. Anyone got one? And would you be willing to let us shoot someone nude in there on Monday?

GASPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!! OMG YES OUR KITCHEN IS TOTALLY DISGUSTING AND UNCLEAN AND CAN I BE THE NUDE MODEL?!?!?!?!  Given my penchant for naked photo shoots ( I was ready to jump on this shit.  As the wise Pamela Anderson once said, “I always think clothes make you look fat, so I prefer to be naked.”

Naked + Photo Shoot + Food + Dirty = ASJFKLH*%!@JKDS*&^@IYHJKHJKFYD*&^*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Roommate L was equally excited.  Our thoughts were as follows:

L: I could shave my chest and sprinkle hair everywhere.  We could have chicken cutlets all over us, with orange and grapefruit pulps on us as well, with the caption “Who wants to juice?!?!”

me: rather than chicken cutlets i would prefer tasty king lunch special chicken and broccoli with white rice sprinkled over me

………… Alas, it was all a tease.  Apparently the Time Out photo editor already had a model in mind.  What a bitch.  She has no idea what she’s missing out on.