May 31, 2011

31 May

Poverexic is BACK!!!  With 5th year reunion weekend.

My, do 5 years fly by fast.  But it was comforting to see that the majority of our class was still mentally stuck in college with only a few discomforting sights this weekend like an ’06 couple who brought their newborn baby to both open bar events on Friday and Saturday nights.  I mean, get a fucking babysitter and leave your offspring at home, or better yet, in the abortion clinic.

Despite all the baby talk and married/engaged couples that I suffered through this weekend, I actually surprisingly had one of the most insanely fun weekends I’ve had in I can’t even remember how long.  However, knowing all the high costs of the events going into the weekend, I tried to play it poverexic by trying to sneak into all of the weekend’s events.  I mean, every event was like $100 totaling $500 for the entire weekend.  Do I look like I work in hedge funds shitting out hundred dollar bills?!?!?!  So I did some careful research leading up to this event, trying to get the scoop from all my ’05 friends.  My sources all told me you really just have to pay for the first event, get a reunion badge, and then they don’t even check your tickets at any of the other events.  Um they were all WRONG – I got caught at every single event and this turned into a poverexic FAIL.

I guess you could say it was ultimately worth the $500 though.  The first night, Friday, was a dance party out on the athletic field that was a shitload of fun and I honestly can’t remember half of it.  All I remember was that I was super excited for the buffet and open bar, which I was expecting to be top shelf, and turns out they didn’t even have Jack Daniels or tequila, and I got really aggressive.  After yelling at the 2013 bartenders for about 15 minutes about how it was absolutely unacceptable to not have Jack or tequila at a standard open bar, I demanded that they pour me a triple Jim Beam with a splash of Diet Coke and demanded they remember my drink order for the rest of the night.  I’m pretty sure I got my money’s worth that night.  And what made my blackout worse was the fact that I did not eat a single piece of food the entire night because I got aggressive about the fact that they didn’t have steak and lobster like I had expected and instead had pizza and wraps which I also felt was unacceptable for at $75 event.  Regardless, I had an amazing time dancing the entire night and apparently I had riveting conversations with people I was only peripherally friends with.  After the dance and a few late night hours at the Fly, I came back to Mather like good ole times, puked up some serious Beam in the common bathroom, and felt like a million bucks the next morning.

I was 100% ready to rally the next morning for the BBQ out in Harvard Yard where they had Redbones and I piled my plate up high with about 10 pounds of meat.  The biggest news of our BBQ: a choreographed dance slash marriage proposal to Bruno Mars’ “Just the Way You Are.”  I might have hated this idea in theory but I really liked the couple, so I supported it in practice.  Take a look:

That was the calmest part of the weekend.  After the BBQ everything went downhill in an AMAZING WAY.  Saturday night was a complete shitshow, which was expected considering how Eliot Fete turned out my senior year and the Saturday night event was being held in the Eliot Courtyard.  Let’s just say that the Fete consisted of me getting blackout, peeing in an Eliot entryway hallway, and waking up the next morning unclear if I had juiced or not.  5th year reunion was a very similar experience, and I think others were getting equally out of control.  Four people were sent to the hospital for various alcoholic injuries that night, girls were snorting illegals off each other’s bodies like body shots in the middle of the dance floor, and people were dancing literally butt naked on top of tables with their dicks freely flying around for all to see.  I was sticking to my triple Jim Beam and Coke again for the entire night and getting my money’s worth — more drinking, less eating.  I had an incredible time.

Two big complaints that should be addressed for the ’07 reunion to improve upon ours:

1- There were a total of 2 bathrooms available for an event of 500 people, which is unheard of.  At multiple times throughout the night I had to piss so badly that I had to resort to public urination.  While I don’t mind urinating in public, apparently the people who had to watch me pee on the floor of the Eliot mailroom did.  In my defense, I did give everyone full warning, crying to CM that I was going to piss my pants.  When I said I was going to piss my pants, I meant I was literally going to piss my pants.  But I guess CM didn’t believe me, and I blame her for that.

2- The open bar ran out of booze an hour earlier than it was supposed to.  THE OPEN BAR RAN OUT OF BOOZE AN HOUR EARLIER THAN IT WAS SUPPOSED TO.  ?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!!?!?!  I didn’t fucking pay $100 for an open bar for them to RUN OUT OF BOOZE EARLY.  I was so angry that I decided to run over to the Kong where I can always count on my old boss and current fav bartender making me my old time fav Long Island Ice Tea, or what I like to call Blackout Juice.  Pound a Solo cup of that and I was good to go again.

The night ended with late night dancing at the Fly again since the Owl was closed despite the fact that JL spread false rumors to everyone at the entire dance that there was going to be a sick afterparty at the Owl.  I’m not sure when I left or how, but all I remember is that I was pissed I was walking home alone until – how convenient – I ran into an old flame literally on my walk home to Mather and ended up at a dance party there.  What was awkward was waking up head to toe… those twin extra longs are brutally small.

In conclusion, the weekend was epic.  I don’t know if our class is legendary but our reunion certainly was.  10 year reunion will be a true test of who is still a champion and who has lost their youth.

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