As I sit on an 8-hour flight back from Germany on Air France—the worst airline in the world that offers no in-flight entertainment except for “Mirror Mirror” playing up on the tiny communal screen and with three crying infants in my vicinity who really need to get aborted—I decided to finally pick Poverexia back up after 10 days of gluttony.
I was in Germany all week for work but extended my stay on either weekend (on my own dime… very anti-poverexia) and decided to visit the 3 most boring countries in Europe since those are the ones bordering Germany and were the ones I’d never been to that were easiest to take weekend trips to: Belgium, Luxembourg and Switzerland.
As it had been a while since my last EuroTrip, I had forgotten how beautiful and pleasant Europe was – although I do have to admit my heart still lies with those big, dirty, dangerous cities (i.e., all of Latin America). While there was virtually nothing interesting to see, nor anything fun to do at night in any of the 3 countries I visited, I did eat extremely well.
First stop was Brussels. Of course as random as life is, it happened to be that my host mom from Argentina (from when I studied there in college) was also traveling to Brussels during the same days, and so we met up for some delicious mussels from Brussels and my favorite beer, Leffe.
Mussels from Brussels
While these mussels were amazingly authentic, I’m not sure if they actually beat the all-you-can-eat mussels + free beer that you get at Petite Abeille across the street from my apartment, with their multiple sauces including one with huge chunks of salty bacon. Never have I sounded so American until now — but I speak the truth. NYC does it better.
Otherwise, all I did in Brussels was your typical — walk into every single chocolate shop I saw to taste their free samples, eat some Belgian fries (Dutch fries were better), and enjoy a Belgian waffle.
Belgian Waffle
The food there was pretty solid, their beer more so, and apparently Belgian cock is pretty fresh too.
Belgian cock is pretty fresh
Great to know! A shame I didn’t try any.
Moving on to a quick train ride over to Luxembourg, where there is literally nothing to do except look at beautiful scenery, and it really was gorgeous:
Luxembourg
However, I must say that I had one of the most enjoyable dinners I’ve ever had in my life in Luxembourg. I walked into the city center to the plaza, found myself a good-looking restaurant — and then it was just me, gorgeous weather, people watching, a cold glass of beer, and then this:
Onion Soup
Pork neck, broad beans and potatoes
Chocospoon
Oh, and great news here too — they’ve got white cock and wine:
Cock in white wine
Pretty pricey if you ask me.
Next stop was Baden-Baden and Frankfurt, where I had a really satisfying series of firsts (no, not a threesome with midgets).
- Ostrich
- Pig knuckle
- Frog legs
- Venison
Unfortunately since I was with work folk and I didn’t want them to think I was actually Asian, I hesitated to bust out my camera as feverishly as I usually do (my worst Asian quality). I did manage to get this one though:
Pig Knuckle
T also got a serious picture of me making an Asian peace sign next to this pig knuckle, having no idea that I am actually an ironic racist.
Later that night were the frog legs, and they were amazing — a perfect combination of fish and chicken. Fishen.
Frog Legs
After this incredible dinner of firsts and two bottles of wine among three people, we were all pretty buzzed and ready to explore Frankfurt nightlife. We started off with some Apfelwein, then hit up several bars. T kept buying us shots of Jager, and next thing I know I’m ranting about how much I hate cops, then I find myself in some booming techno club chugging Red Bull and vodka, then I’m being woken up in a cab by T, then hurling out all that Jager into my hotel toilet.
The next day I had to check out of my hotel room at noon, and I was fucked. After throwing up a few more rounds of Jager followed by bile, I painfully called the front desk and begged them to let me do late check out for free (success), then slowly made my way out of my room at 1:00pm. I thought I was going to be ok until I started going down the elevator, and I knew it was bad news. The elevator doors opened and I see T in the lobby, who asks, “Hey how are you doing.” I started to shake my head and mumble, “Not goo–” when I had to immediately open the elevator doors back up, click “7” a million times before I got back up to the 7th floor and busted into the room I had just checked out of to puke one last time. By the time I came back downstairs, T was already gone to the airport. I hated myself for changing hotels for the sake of saving $50, but I did it, hurled one last time in my new hotel, then curled up in my bed for the rest of the day.
My final day was saved for Bern, Switzerland. The minute my train got in, I immediately went in search for food, so of course I landed in this:
Fondue
Rosti
It wasn’t very good to be honest, but I probably just went to the wrong restaurant. I should have gotten the hint when they asked if I wanted the Japanese menu. Either way, after I finished that entire pot of fondue by myself, I was most certainly cropdusting all over Bern for the rest of the afternoon and on my train ride back to Germany.
Not quite the EuroTrip that Michelle Trachtenberg had, but it was a pretty nice vacay nonetheless.
Poverexic in NYC 