As my favorite poet once said, April is the cruellest month. And April Fool’s is the most retarded day. People either come up with the lamest jokes, like “oh hey guess what, I ate 3 meals today ……….. APRIL FOOOOOLLLLLLL’S” or the cruellest jokes, like “oh hey guess what, I’ve been fucking your boyfriend for the past year ……….. APRIL FOOOOOLLLLLLL’S ………. or NOT!”
Anyway, here’s a real April Fool’s for you:
Total Recall
Now that’s some scary shit. Who the fuck knocked this bitch up?
Really, though, the real April Fool’s today for me was the fact that I literally had just put hot water on my ramen and started the microwave, LITERALLY, when coworker A finds me in the kitchen and goes “Did you see all that free food in the cafe??”
WHAT?!?!??!??! HOW DID I MISS THIS?!?!??!??!?! HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED THIS?!??!?!??! AND HOW COME I DIDN’T DISCOVER THIS *FREE FOOD* LITERALLY 2 SECONDS AGO, *BEFORE* I HAD STARTED MAKING THE RAMEN THAT *I HAD PAID FOR*!!??!?!??!?!?! That was totally unfair. I could have saved a ramen pack had I just discovered this free food 2 seconds earlier. The real April Fool’s joke was on me. I was so vindictive that I took the last remaining ham-brie sandwich, the rest of the bowtie pesto pasta, and half of the leftover rosemary potatoes, and then stuffed myself in under 3 minutes.
Poverexic in NYC 