This weekend, I decided to expand my horizons.  On Saturday afternoon after waking up to a terrible headache caused by drinking way too much Smuttynose that at the time tasted like delicious scotch beer that the next morning tasted like vomit in my mouth, I was picking up my phone to make my usual Saturday afternoon call to Tasty King when I suddenly decided to be adventurous.  For years now the only Chinese food I had ever ordered for myself was combination beef and broccoli with pork fried rice (and at Tasty King this comes with wonton soup), and today I felt like doing something different with my life.  So I got the lunch special General Gao’s with pork fried rice and wonton soup.

It was fine, but after finishing the wonton soup and just a few bites of General Gao’s I felt like ralphing it all up, which was a good thing because that meant having to save the rest for Sunday.  So this afternoon, I woke up to a terrible headache and nausea caused by drinking way too much beer, sangria, vodka sodas and tequila shots that at the time tasted like deliciousness that the next morning tasted like vomit in my mouth, except today it was literal vomit.  After throwing up my usual bile I was starving, so really good thing I still had 80% of my General Gao’s leftover from yesterday.

After inhaling my General Gao’s in under three minutes, I opened my Gmail to find an email from roommate L, who spent the weekend at Martha’s Vineyard, with subject line and photo attachment:

Here’s my better friend 80$ plate of lobster shrimp scallops and clams

BFF

Totally not fair.