Wednesday 4/7/10

7 Apr

This is why I don’t cook:

me: hey what exactly do i need to get at the grocery store
how many steaks = tartare?
and did we get 1 duck last time?
what goes into a duck?
L: hmmmmm, well
i would say .5 lbs of steak
me: what does that mean
like how many steaks is that
L: half a pound
me: i know but like
me: you know i’ve like never been to a grocery store right
i don’t know how to read lbs/oz
i go by how many steaks do i buy
L: um. it depends which cut of meat you get
me: so what cut of meat should i get
Luke: half a filet is much much less than half a porterhouse
me: ok……
Luke: let me think
me: so which do i need to get?
L: i’ve got a good plan
why don’t you pick up the duck, and I will pick up the beef

Here’s what roommate K had to say about me after this exchange: “I thought we both equally clueless when it comes to cooking, but more accurately I have the cooking ability of a child with downs syndrome, while you have the cooking ability of an aborted fetus.”

Anyway, after all that, I ended up being confused for like a full hour at Food Emporium with roommate L holding my hand over the phone — it took me like 20 minutes to find the steaks, another 20 minutes to find a breast of duck, and another 20 minutes to find capers, eggs and shallots.  I mean what the fuck are shallots.

It was all worth it though — here’s the ugly duckling I found:

Rare Duck

Here’s the beauuuutiful swan roommate L transformed it into:

Perfection

GASPPPPPPP DERICIOUSSSS LITTLE DUCKRINGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSS

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