Had a client meeting out in Wayne, NJ, and we didn’t have time to grab lunch in the city on the way out to NJ, which meant lunch in…… suburbia. Ugh. But who am I to complain — NJ or NY it’s still a free lunch. Although — as is with suburbia — finding a restaurant in Wayne isn’t as easy as walking across 5th Ave. We were literally driven around by our driver for like 20 minutes within Wayne before we found a “food court,” otherwise known as shitty “shopping center” or whatever suburban people call it with a Subway and some pizza place called Neil’s Pizzeria. I let out a whimper knowing I could have grabbed a free lunch in Manhattan had I gotten out of my call earlier and left on time. But I had to settle for Neil’s, and I picked Neil’s over Subway because I knew the latter wasn’t going to fill me up enough to last me through the 6-hour client meeting.
We go inside Neil’s and I REALLY feel like I’m in Jersey. I mean there were Jersey kids all over this pizzeria — WTF were they all doing NOT in school?? I don’t know, but it scared me. Anyway, boss L gets 1 slice of pizza, coworkers S & S get 2 slices of pizza, and I just didn’t think pizza was going to be filling enough for me, so I got myself a meatball parmesan sub. My sub comes out, and coworkers L/S/S are all like “You’re never going to finish that, that’s huuuuge!” Um, watch me biatches.
The guy then comes out with S’s pizza and he goes “I’m SO sorry, one of your pizza slices tore — I’ll give you another one for free.” And Scott is all like “No, no, don’t worry about it, I don’t need another slice.” UM, HOLD ON RIGHT THERE. SIR, YEAH WE’LL TAKE THAT SLICE. First of all, who gives a shit if you “tore” a pizza slice??? It’s still pizza; don’t beat yourself up over it. I didn’t understand what the problem was. He’s really actually giving us another slice for free because one of the slices “tore”??? Second of all, why was S rejecting the FREE pizza slice?!?!
S: Well, I don’t want it — I’m not going to eat more than 2 slices.
Me: I will eat it.
S: You already got an entire meatball parmesan sub.
Me: So.
S: So you’re going to eat that meatball sub AND pizza on top of that???
Me: Yes.
S: I will be REALLY impressed if you’re actually able to finish that.
Me: BE PREPARED TO BE IMPRESSED.
I literally finished all of it in 10 minutes, and I was still kinda hungry.
S: I’m really impressed by your gastronomical…. talent.
Me: Thanks……. that’s what she………
Poverexic in NYC 