Yesterday was fantastic. I left work on time because I wanted to get a nap in before A’s birthday party at Blind Barber, and on my way out coworkers N and N caught me and were like, “Hey! We’re going to Japonais for some drinks — wanna come?” I mean, not really, but sure. To be honest all I wanted to do was take my power nap, but I do enjoy post-work drinks with coworkers and I’ve pretty much gotten into the habit of doing that at least once a week. And this week CEO J is in town, and so he came out for drinks with us……. which means DRINKS ON THE COMPANYYYYY!!! Yessss, so glad I decided to come along.
I was even happier that I came along when 2 seconds after we sit down, coworker N asks for the appetizer menu and starts aggressively ordering literally everything off the menu. I’m not kidding. I thought S was an aggressive orderer, but coworker N is super intense. “HI YEAH EXCUSE ME we’ll start with 3 bottles of Chardonnay and then we’ll get 2 orders of lobster spring rolls, 3 avocado rolls and 3 spicy salmon rolls, steak robata, shiitaki mushroom fried rice, sweet and sour calamari, and she’ll take a grey goose pear martini, he’ll take a grey goose dirty martini” and on and on and on and on. I mean, I was IMPRESSED and it’s not often that I get impressed by other people. And that wasn’t even it!!! That was just the FIRST ROUND. We finished everything we ordered in about 30 minutes — let me tell you, PR girls at this agency are not your typical anorexic PR girls. Let’s just say we have Pizza Thursdays every week and it shows.
So after we did that, coworker N grabs the menu from one of us and restarts the cycle of aggressive ordering, ordering just about the same food as the first time around. I mean, I think I just met my best friend. Our table was literally every waiter’s DREAM COME TRUE. We just didn’t stop ordering, ever. This guy was going to get such a huge tip. I think we must have gone through like 10 bottles of wine among 5 girls and a CEO and the restaurant’s entire dinner and appetizer menu. At one point the waiter came back to our table and was like, “You know what I think you ladies would like? One of our specials, called asdfkhasdf, it’s delicious.” None of us even understood what he said, but of course coworker N is like “WE’LL TAKE IT.”
We ordered a THIRD round of food and by then we were on like our 7th round of drinks and I was losing track of time, but I just couldn’t pull myself away from this abundance of free food and drinks. Things didn’t end with the third round of food. “DESSERT MENU PLEASE” coworker N motions to the waiter. She was seriously en fuego. And the dessert we ordered was TO DIE FOR — perfectly fried donuts with melted oozy dark chocolate inside with really good green tea cream. I think by now everyone was starting to get full — or wasted — which meant I finished an entire order of those donuts and no one even noticed.
To be honest I was starting to get a bit wasted myself but I really didn’t want to leave all this free food and drink. But A’s birthday party was going to be full of free ass…. the decisions I face in life! So difficult. Anyway, I eventually left my coworkers at Japonais and went over to Blind Barber, and next thing I realize I’ve slept through my alarm and am late for work… shit. I guess our company’s “Thirsty Thursdays” have turned into “Wasted Wednesdays.”
Poverexic in NYC 