Sunday 8/1/10

1 Aug

Last weekend was my puta J’s bridal shower and bachelorette party and it was incred.  It really was.  Saturday started out with the bridal shower at puta J’s NY mansion where E brought over literally the most impressive array of appetizers, which she started making at the buttcrack of dawn at 6am and we started picking at starting at around 10am.  There was tuna salad stuffed cucumbers, turkey/roast beef/ham wraps, bagel and lox, crostini with tomatoes/peppers, tomato/basil/mozzarella, mini 7-layer-dip cups, bread bowl with dip, crudite, chips and guac/salsa, watermelon balls, etc etc etc.

Shower Food

More Shower Food

We also had these mini cupcakes from Magnolia’s and we flagged them with 25 reasons why her fiance A loves puta J, which ironically coincided with 25 things we hate about J, for example like “she loves babies and small animals” or “she’s really good at knitting.”  (But we still really love you J).

Cupcakes for J

This was my fav part of the shower — the drink station, with purple pomegranate margaritas, purple Andre’s champagne, regular Andre’s champagne with a splash of purple grape juice (J loves purple).  By the end of the shower, literally everyone there was completely shitfaced except for J, who had to keep her composure due to the presence of her entire extended family.

Drink Station

Later that night was the bachelorette party with our good friend blowup doll Jorge, who decided to come along for the ride.  I had never been to Lucky Cheng’s before last weekend, and it was absolutely ridic.  In addition to a lovely drag show, a balloon guy came around and made J a nice hat of a balloon dude banging a balloon chick.  We also bought J a lapdance with one of the drags, who gave her a good 15 minute lapdance that consisted of rubbing her fake tits in J’s face, then flipping upside down on top of J so that her ass was rubbing into J’s face, then flipped around again so that her V/D was rubbing into J’s face, then flipped J around so that J’s ass and V were rubbing into the drag queen’s face, etc etc etc.  It was quite the AIDS-filled show.  Then, they picked out some random dude in the audience and J had to give an awk lapdance to the poor guy although he seemed to enjoy it so I guess that’s ok.

On top of the entertainment, the food was super good and Asian.

Lucky Cheng Dinner

And we also of course bought her a delicious D cake that was supposed to say “Make a wish and blow,” but apparently Asians can’t spell and instead it said “Ma A Wish And Blow.”

MA A Wish

The rest of the night was a bit hazy but all I know is that J wasn’t completely blackout, which really upset me, so I’m making that my mission for her wedding night.  My disappointment went away the next morning though when we went out for a farewell brunch at Dos Caminos with the bridesmaids and J’s and A’s families, and A PICKED UP THE ENTIRE TAB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It was literally the most generous thing I had ever heard of.  I heart bankers.  I can’t believe I got an entire bowl of chips/guac, huevos rancheros, a bloody mary and coffee for free.  What a poverexic friendly way to end an anti-poverexic weekend.  Can’t wait for the wedding – food and booze are supposed to be incred, among other things of course.

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