Was in SF this past weekend for K’s bridal shower and bachelorette party which was loads of funs and disasters, and BFFs were together again for the first time since J’s wedding in January. The theme of the weekend was Naughty & Nice — the naughty part clearly just means a shitload of cocks, which is what we had on Friday night for lowkey girls night over wine, thai food and this:
Frozen Dick
E’s specialty homemade dessert: frozen banana dick with strawberry balls, chocolate pubes and whipped cream jizz. We also got a few treats from Hot Cookie in the Castro, and this thing was literally the best black cock I’d ever tasted in my entire life.
Dick on a stick
Huge chocolate covered macaroon dicks on sticks with coconut pubes and realistic veins. mmmmm they were seriously the best dicks ever. We thoroughly enjoyed those treats while playing ‘Pin the Dick on D’ and ‘Sculpt-a-Willy,’ where we had 3 minutes to sculpt fun shaped willies with colorful playdo.
Saturday was K’s bridal shower over brunch at Paul K, where we struck up a deal for bottomless pomegranate bellinis, or – because K loves bellinis – bottomless ‘Kellinis.’ Along with approximately 6-7 Kellinis, I had the most delicious eggs benedict with dungeness crab and the rest of D’s leftover salad.
Paul K Eggs Benedict
I also had this dessert specially ordered for K — a mini 3-tiered wedding cake made of nutella cupcake at the bottom, carrot cake in the middle, and red velvet cake on top!
Mini 3-tiered cake
I also got cupcakes for everyone else, but apparently everyone was on a diet or something because out of the dozen cupcakes I bought, I think there were literally 8 leftover, which we of course ate for breakfast for the next few days.
That Takes the Cake
Well so the shower was a success but those Kellinis really hit me hard… I nearly wanted to die when we all decided to go shopping immediately afterward and then go see “Eat Pray Love.” I 100% slept through that entire movie.
Luckily, that midday hangover nap got me completely energized for naughty night out for K’s bachelorette party at Asia SF, San Fran’s very well known “high class” drag show featuring beautiful Asian he/shes. In the spirit of Asia SF, we got K a blowup male doll with a detachable dildo and three openings for the dick, the mouth and the ass that she had to drag around with her for the entire night. We also pregamed the night with countless bottles of champagne, and since we ran out of that and had to leave for dinner/show, the only alcoholic drink we could find to bring with us in the bright red penis water bottle that I bought was half a bottle of vodka, to which we added a splash of leftover soda water, filled the rest with regular water, and squeezed half a lemon into it. It was literally the most disgusting penis drink I could have ever imagined it, but J downed it in literally 2 seconds during the cab ride out and left nothing for the rest of us. I guess she likes that stuff.
Anyway, not only was the drag show incred (highlight was one of the ladies of Asia SF singing “Sore, wet, hot, bald pussy, just a friendly little cat”), but the food was incred as well. They literally came out with like 30 plates of food for our table, including chicken satays, quesadillas, beef salad, ahi tuna sliders, ribs, truffled soba noodles, fried fish, lamb, miniature ice cream cones and more. This was actually one of those very rare instances where there was actually leftover food on the table when we left the show, but I just literally could not fit any more food in my stomach because I would have hurled all over the place from being full and wasted.
Asia SF Dinner
After the humongoid meal came dessert, which was an incredibly tasty “Rock Hard Porn Star” cake by Bettie Cocker with the best message ever, “Make a wish and blow!” with white sweet cream jizz spilling out, which E was all over. And a blow job shot off a drag queen’s crotch for K (wouldn’t be a complete Asia SF experience without that).
Bettie Cocker Cake
The rest of the night turned disastrous in a fantastic way when the blowup doll deflated as I attempted to detach the dildo, we ended up at some club in Union Square, and we ran into a bachelor party where the guys were not so good looking but they did have table service with bottles of grey goose so we talked to them. We got each of the boys to gang lapdance K, we all danced the night away with them and our deflated male companion, and we got them to buy us endless rounds of shots and drinks. The night ended way too early with last call at 1:45am.
It was a wonderful weekend that ended super poverexic-friendly when D/K very generously treated us to brunch at Chouquet’s the next morning as we all felt like death, K’s dad bought us dinner that night at Perry’s, and D bought me dinner the following night at India Palace all you can eat Indian buffet. It was Asian Girl v. Food and Asian Girl won.
India Palace
Such a great weekend. Heart wedding season.
Poverexic in NYC 