Poverexic in NYC

TONIGHT WAS THE MOST INCRED EVENT EVER.  I LOVE LAUNCH EVENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hanky Panky

OMG.  This was the best event ever.  There was a CUSTOMIZE YOUR OWN HANKY PANKY station which meant a FREE $32 RHINESTONE CUSTOMIZED HANKY PANKY LET ME REITERATE FOR FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  ANDDDDD we got a free gift bag that included *A-N-O-T-H-E-R* HANKY PANKY low rise along with an entire makeup set and free makeup goodies too!!!!!!!!  Melissa Joan Hart was there and she is tiny, she’s literally like 4’11”.  On top of that, Stoli was one of the sponsors and they had the best Stoli drinks ever, so I had one of each of the 4 different Stoli drinks and they were DELICIOUS.  And they had tiny little mini cupcakes that spelled HANKY PANKY and they were the most dericious cupcakes ever and I had 5 of them.  I saved so much money today.  Unfortunately I didn’t get a picture of the adorable cupcakes but I did get a picture of an adorable Hanky Panky bouquet:

Hanky Panky Bouquet

HEART HANKY PANKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesdays always mean Glee and chili bowls.  Except not really because the past forever Wednesdays have been ruined by the World Series and this was my FIRST CHILI BOWL WED NIGHT EVER AND IT WAS THE MOST EXCITING SURPRISE EVER!!!  My timing was impeccable — I literally got home 2 minutes before Glee started and right as roommate M was finishing up the chili.  Bread bowl and chili reminded me of Boston and Dallas, respectively, and in the words of Sue Sylvester, “First I was aroused, and then I was disgusted.”

Not really.  I was really just aroused.  You can see why:

Chili

Adding Steak

Spooning

CHILI BOWLS

Today was a huge disappointment.  I organized this huge event tonight at the Yale Club (GO CRIMSON) for current and prospective clients, and I didn’t eat all day in preparation for it because I knew the beginning of the event was going to start off with heavy hors d’oeuvres, and I LOOOOOOOVE heavy hors d’oeuvres because usually everyone else will start saying ‘no’ to the butler after a few rounds, and I never say no, and they are always hired to just keep serving until forever.  So I just keeeeeeep taking those delicious little mini bites off his plates until forever.

With such high expectations going into the event, I was doomed for disappointment.  I don’t know what I was thinking when working with the event coordinator when organizing this event, but I guess I was just too slammed with other work to pay more attention and closely review the most important part of her responsibility: THE CATERING MENU.  Huge mistake.  Literally the plates that came around during the cocktail session looked like something right out of the freezer aisle at a crappy grocery store.  AND to make matters worse, it hadn’t occurred to me before that as the main organizer of the event, I would have no time to pick at food since it’s unprofessional to spend more time chasing after the butlers than schmoozing with the clients.

Nevertheless, I was still confused about the selection of hors d’oeuvres after I got home from the event, and I went back through my emails and took a closer look at what the event coordinator had picked.  I immediately saw what was wrong:

• Santa Fe chicken flower — WHAT THE FUCK IS A CHICKEN FLOWER
• Vegetable dim sum — VEGETARIAN?!?!??!?? WHAT?!??!???!
• Spicy samosa with cucumber yogurt sauce — VEGETARIAN?!?!??!?? WHAT?!??!???!
• Rosemary skewed fruit kabob with honey — VEGETARIAN?!?!??!?? WHAT?!??!???!
• Blue corn tortilla cup with roasted corn relish, guacamole and salsa — VEGETARIAN?!?!??!?? WHAT?!??!???!
• Asparagus and prosciutto sundried tomato wrap — WHERE WAS THIS ONE I DEFINITELY DID NOT SEE THIS ONE OUT THERE AND THIS WAS THE BEST ONE ON THE MENU?!?!??!?!??!?!??!?!??!?!??!??!?!

Ohhhhhh the failureeeeee the failureeeeeee.  Alas, I had extremely little substance in my stomach and was starving leaving the event and cursed Zooey Deschanel and Natalie Portman and every other Hollywood vegetarian/vegan who made this a fad.  Now let’s go out there and KILL SOME COWS!!!!!!

This weekend was J’s bachelorette party in my hometown Dallas — my first bachelorette party ever AKA PARTY IN THE USA!!!!!!!!!!!!  This weekend was incred and completely brought me back to high school, not only because I spent the weekend with J and D but more so because we visited old high school fav spots like gay club The Village.  More on this later.

Anyway what I appreciated about this weekend other than the fact that there were penis icons everywhere was that this was a 100% poverexic friendly weekend.  L and M&M did such a great job acknowledging the fact that we are all poor and broke.  When L sent out an email regarding budget for this bachelorette party weekend a few weeks ago, I nearly had a heart attack when I realized how cheap everywhere in this country was outside of NYC.  This party budget was about half of how much moola it would cost me to get one night of blackout in NYC.

Friday night’s highlight was when we played ‘Pin the Dick on M’ and I won first place (my placement was impeccable and my instinct extraordinary) — my prize was a bunch of tiny candy penises which were about the size of Asian Ds.

Penis Candy

Then Saturday night started out at the W Hotel with this:

Bachelorette Punch

Followed by this (BIG BOY!!!):

Big Boy

M&M did a great job picking out such a beautiful looking cake with blue veins and pubes and all.  Then after the penis cake we went to a club that looked oddly very familiar to me….. why was it so familiar to me……. OH I KNOW, our friends and I used to go there when we were 17 because that was the only 17+ club in Dallas that played techno music and served underage kids, and the same drag queen Crystal who was there 10 years ago was still there.  She/he looked pretty much the same, except with a saggier ass and much more botox.

Another incredibly pleasant surprise was that drinks there were $2 (WHAT! only in Texas).  I guess the surprise lasted through the middle of the night when I woke up to projectile a gallon of pretty in pink $2 alcoholic juices into the toilet, which apparently woke up and disgusted M, prompting her to follow my lead in gagging up some of her liquor immediately after me.

Even with all the countless shots and I-couldn’t-keep-track-of-how-many drinks, this entire weekend of bachelorette activities was still way cheaper than one single weekend night in NYC, not to mention we ordered in dinner both nights (pasta on Friday, pizza on Saturday), and my parents took me out to sushi and steak lunches on Friday and Saturday, respectively, adding super extra bonus points to my poverexic weekend.

Can’t wait for J’s wedding over New Years — THERE’S GOING TO BE SO MUCH FREE FOOD AND SO MANY FREE BOYS.

I received a Facebook invite today from C with event title

Big Girls, Small Kitchen Cookie Giveaway

I love the word “giveaway.”

C – who is an amazing chef – has a blog called “Big Girls, Small Kitchen” and used to cook and bake for me in college when I was supposedly in charge of student open houses and was supposed to cook/bake for 400 students every month.  As you can imagine, 90% of that time was spent admiring C’s original recipes and “taste testing” every dish before it went out to the students.

Anyway, the Facebook invite got me so excited:

It’s cold outside now. Which means, more often than not, C is holed up in her kitchen baking batches upon batches of cookies. While P could (well, has) easily polish off a good dozen or two of her Deep Chocolate Cookies with Milk Chocolate Chips, we both thought it was probably high time to start sharing with friends.

Join the Big Girls, Small Kitchen Fan Page and leave a note on our wall with your favorite kind of cookie.  Three cookie-loving fans will receive a tin of their favorite treats from the Quarter-Life Cooks.

The lucky recipients will be highlighted on www.biggirlssmallkitchen.com next week.

-P and C, The Quarter-Life Cooks

A TIN OF MY FAVORITE TREATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  MY FAVORITE KIND OF COOKIE IS THE BLACK AND WHITE COOKIES THAT C MADE SPECIALLY FOR THE “NEW YORK” THEMED OPEN HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  B&W cookies are one of the 2349872398748923743 reasons to love NYC.

I don’t care how poverexic I am, I ain’t eating there!

(…………………. or, I probably still would).

Courtesy of amor T, who has yellow fever.

Today was so free.  I didn’t go to work today because I needed to finish moving, and the cable guy was coming (TV and internet YES!!!).  Last night I went over to S’s to watch Californication and Curb Your Enthusiasm, and S and C ordered Rosa Mexicana for dinner so of course there were leftovers — C didn’t even touch his rice and beans and fresh tortillas, and they left half their bag of chips.  YES.  So naturally for breakfast today roommates L and K and I fried the tortillas and made puffy tacos with the leftover beans/rice/guac and fried some bacon to go in the tacos.  THEY WERE REARRY DERICIOUS.

Then later today roommate K was ordering dinner at 4pm and bought me a fruit smoothie because she owed me money from the tacos I bought her off the street over Halloween weekend.  And for herself she got a hamburger, an order of spaghetti and 2 cupcakes because she was really hungry.  The great thing about roommate K is that her eyes are way too big for her stomach.  She always orders like 3 meals because she’s “really hungry” and then barely finishes the first.  And then roommate L and I attack the rest.  Today she barely ate half her hamburger before she put it down, then only had like 3 bites of her spaghetti.  MORE FOR US!!!!!!!  Roommate L and I had a feast.

THEN!  Roommate M moved his stuff from Boston today and Poppa T gave him moving money, which he naturally just put toward ordering all of us Tasty King.  What generosity!  I wasn’t even hungry because I had been eating all day (which confuses my stomach), but in the spirit of poverexia roommate M encouraged me to order something anyway and save it for tomorrow.  I couldn’t refuse that, so I ordered my usual chicken and broccoli with white rice, ate a few bites, and saved the rest in the fridge for lunch tomorrow.

Halloween is pretty much my worst nightmare.  Kids ringing your doorbell every 2 seconds yelling and screaming and asking for candy.  YEAH??! YOU WANT CANDY?!?!??! HOW ABOUT YOU GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY DOOR AND GO FUCK YOURSELF.  As Sandy from Glee would say: Kids on Halloween?!??!?!  KILL YOURSELF!!!  If I had enough money to buy bags of candy for a bunch of kids I don’t even know, I’d buy myself food to eat.

To make matters worse, WE HAD TO MOVE ON HALLOWEEN.  That’s right.  WE MOVED ON 10/31.  And it gets worse.  The building we were moving into WAS HAVING A HUGE HAUNTED HOUSE PARTY FOR THE CHILDREN LIVING IN THE APARTMENT COMPLEX AND THERE WERE HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS OF CHILDREN BLOCKING THE ENTRANCE AND ELEVATORS.  OMG.  Worst nightmare X 10000000.  Seriously, KILL YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!  I literally knocked over about 12 kids trying to make it to the elevator with all my shit with angry parents yelling after me that “pushing wasn’t nice” and me yelling back at them that they should have had an abortion.

Anyway, good news after we had finally moved in was that we were still living in Stuyvesant Town, so we felt pretty good about Tasty King still delivering to our location.  Bad news was that we were no longer right on the street and we’re on Stuyvesant Oval, in the heart of the maze.  Even as a Stuy Town resident myself, once you leave the main streets you’ve completely lost me.  Imagine how confused those delivery boys would be trying to find our new apartment to deliver our lunch specials.  THIS PRACE IMPOSSIBOOOO TO FINDDDD, SO COMPRICATEDDDDD!!!!!!  This was of great concern to us.

We decided to put them to the test as soon as we finished moving on Saturday night at 9pm (YES 9PM) when we immediately placed our orders.  In the spirit of new apartment, I decided to try new order, so I got some boneless spare ribs with pork fried rice and a shrimp roll deviating from my usual chicken/beef and broccoli with white rice.

The usual 10 minutes of normal delivery time passed, and still no delivery boy ringing our doorbell — ONLY KIDS IN HALLOWEEN COSTUMES.  Seriously, kill yourself.  Every single fucking time the doorbell would ring, we thought it was Tasty and it was just A BUNCH OF KIDS.  I was disgusted.  And we couldn’t even NOT answer the door because what if it was Tasty?!?!??!  So we kept answering the door, ring after ring after ring hoping it was our food when every single time it was kids asking us for food.  YEAH RIGHT GIVE YOU MY CANDY MY ASS.

20 minutes passed.  Still nothing.  We started to get very, very nervous that Tasty was no longer being faithful to us because we betrayed them by moving farther from their location.  We gave them a quick call to check up on the status of the order.  “Hi, we’re just calling about the order we placed about 20 minutes ago—” “NOT READY YET.”

WHAT?!??!?!??!? NOT READY YET?!?!?!??!?!?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING, WHAT, EVERYONE IS ORDERING CHINESE ON HALLOWEEN NIGHT AND BACKING UP THE ORDERS!??!?!??!? WTF IS GOING ON!??!?!???!!

We decided we shouldn’t get angry with our friends so decided to be patient and wait a few more minutes.  20 more minutes passed and still nothing.  OMG WHAT IS GOING ON we seriously wanted to cry WE KNEW THEY WOULD GET LOST TRYING TO FIND OUT NEW APARTMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😦  We called again and apparently they were “on their way” but it was still another 10 minutes before the doorbell we were waiting for finally rang.

We were glad to finally have our food, but this delivery really raised some serious concerns.  Was Tasty retaliating?  Was this new location too complicated for them?  Would they take 45 minutes to deliver our order every single weekend we order their lunch specials?  Would they no longer give us free fortune cookies?  All these questions raced through my head.

Only time will tell.  To clear my head, I changed into my Sugar Babies costume and went out to scrounge some candy at parties for dessert.