Poverexic in NYC

11:29 am

Roommate L just discovered the perfect gadget for me:

http://i.gizmodo.com/5154256/tough-times-belt-puncher-try-the-recession-diet

Tough Times Belt Puncher

It takes your net income and estimated cost of living and calculates where the next hole in the belt will be punched — perfect for the poverexic girl, or boy.

3:39 pm

I’ve re-watched this week’s episode of 30 Rock about 5 times this weekend, and it has given me the most intense cravings for an Oreo McFlurry.  So I finally bought myself one, and it was incred, but can I just say that McFlurrys are now like half the size that they used to be in the 1990s?!?!?!  As much as I love Mickey D’s, my biggest complaint against them is their ridiculously small portion sizes that are unfair to the nth degree.  This whole “health conscious America” movement thing is complete bullshit and poverexia’s greatest enemy.

Anyway, I have to disagree with Salma Hayek and say that I would have definitely preferred Tahitian-vanilla-bean ice cream in a pool of cognac, drizzled in the world’s most expensive chocolate (Amedei Porcelana), covered with shaved white, black, and clear truffles, and topped with edible 25-karat gold leaf over that McFlurry that I finished in like 3 bites.  The day I can afford the Lovers’ Delight will be the day I know I’ve really made it in life.

Had the greatest queso ever made by human yesterday in celebration of V-Day: Velveeta ultimate queso dip with ground beef and deliciousness made by LP, ingredients bought by CS, supplemented by guac from MC. Good thing I hadn’t eaten anything all day because I ate the entire pot of queso which made up for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The only sour part of the day was getting wasted off Bud Light Lime, which confused me all afternoon because I kept thinking it was Corona, when it was really just Bud Light with a hint of lime. Tostitos can pull that off but BL really can’t. There’s just no reason why BL should try to be Corona when they are two different races.

5:07 pm

OMG BK BURGER SHOTS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4nOq1QTrxo

BK Burger Shots

Between these Burger Shots and the Anger Whopper, Burger King may just be my new fav fast food king.

Happy almost bang day! I’ve just discovered man’s greatest invention — behold:

Chocolate Covered Bacon

12:25 pm

Just received this email that went out to all staff:

Hello Staff,

I know it’s quite tempting to help ourselves to all the free food and product giveaways, but let’s be sure things are up for grabs before helping ourselves.  Our open space is shared and it’s important for us to be considerate.

If an e-mail extending the offering of food or product giveaways has not been sent, please understand the food and products are set aside for a specific meeting or project and not available to staff.

Thank you in advance.

Within 30 seconds of the email being sent, 4 of my coworkers forwarded it to me being like “What’d you take this time.”  You know what, on the flip side, if it’s not up for grabs, you should label it!!!

3:48 pm

So, I’ve now had 7 bananas in the past 24 hours.  Now I thought, there must be some sort of potassium overload associated with this — so I asked my soon-to-be-doctor friend.  The conversation was not so promising.

11:37 am

Bananas are the fruit of the week at the office!  So I went bananas and took 4 for breakfast.  There are still some left, so I’ll probably take 4 more for lunch.

8:16 pm

Starving and only had a few bites of leftover salad and pasta at work.  I check out our fridge and the only thing leftover in our fridge is a Yuengling, so I grab that for dinner while watching Deja Vu with G.  G then makes a lovely comment about how I look like a guy – plopped down in front of the TV on the couch, beer in hand resting on arm of couch, mouth slightly open in a daze, legs stretched out and spread out.  In an effort to seem more feminine, I snag a few ciggies with G and L to further suppress my appetite.

8:43 pm

L and I are delighted that G decides to order Chinese while I finish my beer dinner and L finishes his wine dinner.  Food arrives and G starts reaching into the brown bag.  “Who wants my—–”

ME.

Score!  White rice.  How come no one ever wants it??  L teaches me a delightful trick of mixing duck sauce and soy sauce into white rice to enhance its flavor.

8:59 pm

LOST IN T MINUS ONE.  In the words of Jenna Maroney, EVERYONE SHUT UP, SHUT YOUR MOUTHS.

12:12 pm

PIZZA IN THE OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really hate it when girls are like, “I really shouldn’t eat this.” Ok, then don’t. I’ll eat it for you. Simple as that.

Had a 2 hour meeting right during lunch today, so naturally lunch was on the company.  Luckily it was sushi, and luckily NYC is the best place to be if you’re a sushi lover because of all the lunch specials with 3 rolls miso soup and salad for $9.99.  So I ordered myself a salmon avocado roll, an Alaskan roll, and an eel avocado roll, and so that was breakfast, lunch and dinner.

P.S. I would be the happiest girl alive if I could have everything on this site: http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/page/1

Especially this:

The Double Bacon Hamburger Fatty Melt

I want to go to there.

12:14 pm

Had some of roommate L’s delicious leftovers from last night for breakfast this morning.

At first L raised false hopes by walking through the door yesterday evening and being like “SHIT! I had these delicious leftovers and I forgot them in my parents’ car!!!” NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO we both cried.

But then he lured me into going back downstairs and chasing his parents’ car by promising me that I could have all the leftovers and that I could meet his hot dad who got with Janice Dickinson back in the day, so he’s pretty much the man.

1:34 pm

Why am I at work on a Sunday? Let me tell you why. In addition to the fact that my current workload makes me want to cry, I was also still somehow hungry after I ate L’s delicious leftovers and I knew there’d be something leftover at the office. There’s been this thing of pasta salad in the office fridge that no one has touched since Thursday, and I knew it wasn’t anyone’s in particular because I’ve been keeping close tabs on it.

We have a pretty strict fridge policy of labeling everything with your name and date, so I basically interpret that to mean that if something isn’t labeled, it’s up for grabs. I usually feel somewhat terrible inside but it’s really their own fault for not taking 2 seconds to put their name on their food, but anyway, I usually wait a few days to clear my conscience. If that unlabeled food is still in the fridge untouched after 3 days, I take it. So, I had some pretty yum pasta salad with chicken for a 2nd meal today. Makes coming into work on the weekends sooo worth it.

Went to brunch today at Big Daddy with K and M and had the best burger with tots ever.  NAPOLEON GIMME YOUR TOTS.  It is now 7:03pm and I’m still full, which is great, because that means I don’t have to eat dinner (my usual weekend tactic).

When I walked through the door, I immediately recognized the hostess: Amy aka “Amis” from Cycle 10 of ANTM.  K and M were dubious, but I am always 110% confident in my reality TV show celeb knowledge skills.

ARE YOU AMY AKA AMIS FROM CYCLE 10 OF ANTM???  I boldly asked.

I was right (of course I was).  I was so excited, but didn’t really know what to say to her considering she was one of my least fav contestants on that show because she was so fucking weird.  AMIS?  like really?  What a terrible alternate name to pick just because another girl on the same cycle was also named Amy.

I of course lied to her though, as I usually do whenever I meet celebs (e.g., when I told Ice-T how much I loved him when I absolutely cannot stand him on L&O SVU).  So I told Amis how great she was, when what I really wanted to ask her was how it felt to compete with and lose against a fat chick (Whitney “plus-size” Thompson).  I also really wanted to chat with her about how Whitney was actually skinny in real life and got fat just so she could compete as a plus-size model and have a better chance at winning (incred strategy because it obviously worked), and then how she got skinny again after the press had died down.

I wish I was rich enough to get fat.  I’m suddenly hungry again.

Last night’s (Ice) T Party was ridic.  Partied it up with Ice-T and Taraji Henson (aka Queenie), and chatted it up with Dann Florek (aka Don Cragen) for a good 15 minutes and gave him my card.  Though I have to admit Fin is my least fav character on L&O SVU, I do heart Ice-T and Coco, and his party was fab.  Was so excited by all the fame surrounding me that I hardly even cared about those delicious bite-size burgers and quesadillas running around back and forth on tupperware trays.  And I may or may not have stifled my hunger with one too many Ice-Tinis.

Ice-T