Poverexic in NYC

Well, less than 24 hours after K brought home a Costco-full of goodies, roommate L and I had already consumed 5 ramens, an entire order of sliced ham, and half a box of strawberries … oops, sorry K 😦 but it was rearry dericious.  Yesterday I ate one ramen that I made by myself, and was still hungry (those tiny ramens), so roommate L made me another ramen that was 10 times better with spices, ham and bacon with its bacon fat.

Today was rucky too because we had a pizza and beer lunch, so I had 4 slices of pizza and a Corona.  Later in the afternoon there was a goodby party for a coworker so there were plenty of doritos, cheetos, pringles, pretzels, and chips and salsa with beer.  Our office enjoys beer.

I guess the chips didn’t really fill me up because I was starving after getting through my DVR-ed ‘Flash Forward’ (fav new show) and ‘The Office’ and getting really upset at the fact that my fucking DVR didn’t record ‘Parks and Recreation.’  Luckily I made an incred discovery that made me feel a lot better — two packs of nori (which is the seaweed that’s around sushi – or “sea vegetable,” as my mother calls it because she doesn’t like that the word “weed” is in there) that my mother had given me while I was home last Christmas.  They’re pretty old, but not really because they were hidden in our freezer this entire time, and anything kept in the freezer becomes invincible.  I ate one of the packs with the white rice that roommate K had left behind with soy sauce.  Then it occurred to me that that’s what poor people eat in Japan — white rice with soy sauce and nori.  I guess poor people in New York do too.

Roommate K had been away for a few days and finally returned with her visiting parents and something incredible.

—

Apparently K had found a Costo somewhere far away from Manhattan and had forced her parents to buy us an inordinate amount of food in bulk, all in bulk — cereal, cereal bars, RAMEN, peanut butter, strawberries, BACON, ham, veggie trays, bread, guac, BEER, bagel bites, ravioli, omg it was food to last us a lifetime!!! ……. or a week.  I nearly had a heart attack.

I guess food was really on my mind (when is it not) because something embarrassing happened when I was slightly dozing off on the couch waiting for K’s parents to arrive to the apt to take us out to dinner (!!!!!!!!!!).  I opened one eye at the TV after dozing off for a few minutes and saw an incredible plate of salmon sashimi on a commercial.  OMGOMOGMOMG THAT LOOKS INCREDIBLE WHAT IS THAT WHERE IS THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Roommate L takes one disgusted look at me, points at the TV as the next part of the commercial comes on and goes, “……………. that’s C-A-T FOOD.”  Oh.

Well anyway.  K’s parents took us out to Graffiti last night, which we picked because it’s BYOB.  This restaurant was the tiniest place in the world and the food was incred.  It was tapas style so we ordered chili pork dumprings, zucchini hummus pizza, burgers with chipotle mayonnaise, green chili shrimp, chickpea crusted skate, and duck portobello gratinee.  We also had 4 big bottles of wine among 5 people, and I was wasted.  I’m such a lightweight.

Well I’m just a silly ole goose.  All this time I had been so worried about not having any food left in my personal office “pantry” and panicking about what I was going to do with myself now that I can’t be expensing my meals every day, when today it dawned on me that I had over $100 worth of food in gift certificates from my bday.  So today for lunch I used $8.50 of my Chipotle gift certificate from my sister, and after work I stopped by Whole Foods to buy myself 8 Annie Chun noodle bowls with my gift certificates after contemplating in front of the canned soup section for about 20 minutes wondering why the fuck all those tiny canned soups are so fucking expensive just because they’re organic ($3.69!!!!!! wtf????), when I shifted my vision to the right and discovered that Annie Chun just-add-hot-water noodle bowls are like 50 cents to $2.00 cheaper than the canned soups.  So I bought myself 8 of those, and my calculation this time was near flawless — it all came out to $21.04, just a mere $1.04 over what I had in gift certificates.  Perfect.

On a related note, roommates L and K and I are super excited because K’s parents are in town tomorrow and are taking us out to dinner.  While enthusiastically contemplating potential dinner locations, we had a good ole laugh over the thought of bringing them to Tasty King (keeping in mind Tasty has room for 2 tiny tables that seat 2 people each).  We then thought how amusing it would be if all of our parents got together at Tasty.  Here’s how we envision the conversations would go:

K’s mom: Well this is… um… quaint <<cringe>>  Now is this Mandarin or Cantonese cuisine?
K’s dad: Did you know that during the Yuan Dynasty… blah blah blah.

L’s mom: I’m just so happy that I get to sit down with all of you.  It really doesn’t matter where we go to eat; the food is not the important thing — it’s the company that you keep.  You are all such amazing young adults — I’m so pleased that you found each other.
L: Mom, you do realize that you took a filet mignon out of your purse from Capital Grille and have been eating that instead of the beef with broccoli.
L’s dad: Do they serve beer here?

My mom: OHHHH YOU DISRESPECTFUL CHILDDDDDD WHY YOU BRING US HEREEEEEE, YOU KNOW WE NOT SUPPOSED TO INTERACT WITH THE CHINESEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  DISGRAAACCCCEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
My dad: <<completely silent, trying to avoid conflict>>

Tonight roommate L made me one of the quality steaks from my bday steaks.  Boy was it quality.

Before

After

Plated

IT WAS REARRY DERICIOUS.  In fact, it was so dericious that roommate L generously let me eat the majority of the meat, while he gnawed on the bone — you see that bone in the top right corner of the photo? — until there was literally absolutely no meat left on it.  He gnawed on it through all of Heroes, then through all of Gossip Girl, then once all the meat was off it, he poured salt on the bare bone, then continued to gnaw on it, then dipped the salty bone in the bloody juice left on the plate and continued to gnaw on it, then proceeded to suck the marrow out of the bone, then ended up cutting and completely swelling up his gums from all the gnawing.  It was some of the most impressive work I’d ever seen — I just stared in awe.  This was more impressive than anything I had ever seen from Toto, may he rest in peace.

Anyway, that was some really quality meat, and bone.

Well after two whole weeks of expensing my meals and cabs to and from work due to my odd work schedule of coming into work at 4:30am and leaving at 9:30pm, I was at a complete loss after our event successfully launched on Wednesday and my schedule returned to semi-normal.  I was mainly at a complete loss because I found myself no longer able to expense my meals, which meant having to somehow find my own food either for free or with my own money.  So what did I do?  Here’s what I did:

Wednesday: SP was in town so we all went to dinner at Spice, which reminded me of the Spice in Harvard Square only because they have the same name.  And then I had flashbacks to the terrible one date I had there, the one where I only agreed to go on it because he was the owner of my favorite bar and I thought I’d get free drinks for life, and it ended up being a horrible mistake because he was just eye twitching and sweating and scratching during the entire date.  Terrible.

Anyway, I ordered the most dericious massaman curry and finished it under 10 minutes, and then just sat there as I watched LP finish her plate, M finish her plate, SP half finish her plate (!!!), A half finish her plate (!!!!!!!!) and C quarter finish her plate (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).  I was getting really anxious and trying really hard not to show it.  I have been staring at A’s, SP’s and C’s plates out of the corners of my eyes, and I notice that they have not touched their plates or forks in nearly 15 minutes.  I was getting really excited until I saw a waiter slowly approach the table and reach over for SP’s plate.

NO STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I yell at him.  Then he reaches over for C’s plate and I again yell NOOOO STOPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  He put SP’s plate back down with a bewildered look but he held onto C’s.  WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PUT THAT PLATE DOWN, WE’RE NOT FINISHED WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!  C and the waiter are both trying to say something to me but I can’t really hear what they’re saying with the booming techno music playing in the restaurant.  WHAT????  STOP, WHY ARE YOU TAKING THAT AWAY?!?!?!?!??!??!  I keep yelling and I am sure the table can see the completely panicked look on my face.  Finally C says in a very firm, loud voice to me — THIS IS MY FOOD.  I AM TAKING THIS HOME AND SAVING IT FOR LUNCH TOMORROW.  I AM GETTING IT TO GO IN A TAKEOUT BOX.  IS THAT OK?

Oh.  I see.  Well that was awk.  Ha……….  Heeeee………

Anyway, on to Thursday: I literally did not eat anything all day on Thursday, mainly because I forgot to eat, but also because I noticed on Thursday that I literally had no more canned soup or ramen left in my office cubicle stash.  Shit.  That means I have to go grocery shopping this weekend.  So I didn’t eat anything knowing that I would be drinking wine later that evening at my puta J’s engagement party.  I arrived at the party on an empty stomach, had a glass of red wine and a glass of white wine, stole some bites of J’s mac and cheese, and was absolutely wasted.

Today I really re-contemplated my life when I had to go into work at 4:45am.  These Europeans are killing me with their BST and CEST time zones.  I don’t even want to think about if/when we start working with Asia.  I was so tired today that I wasn’t even hungry until I got home in the evening 13 hours later.  And then the hunger struck, but then I remembered that I can’t even afford to buy Tasty King as often anymore now that they’ve raised their prices by 50 cents.  So I had to dig through our fridge and find my leftovers from Sunday, then A’s leftovers from Sunday that she left behind as a gift to the apartment, and then K’s leftovers from Sunday that she left behind because she ate all the chicken and didn’t want the rice and veggies. I was so hungry.

Sunday was such a traumatizing day when roommates K, L and I discovered the horrible thing that Tasty had done to us.  Today we started contemplating tactics on how to combat this — we must right this wrong.  Maybe what we could do is boycott Tasty for 2 weeks, since my suspicion is – and as much as I hate to think this – that they completely took advantage of our loyalty and thought to themselves in their Chinese voices, “Ohhhh I know what we can dooooooooo, those children living in that apartment across the street, they eat here every day, and there are THREEEE of them!!!  Think how much we would gain if we just raised our prices just 50 cents.  We would gain $1.50 EVERY DAY!!!!  That $10.50 A WEEK!!!!!!!!!  That soooo much moneeyyyyy ohhhhhhhhhhh!!!!”

And then they decided to raise their prices.  So if we three boycotted them, they would be left with no other option but to change their prices back.  They would lose SO much money without our business!!!  We could even threaten to actively boycott Tasty for 2 weeks and order delivery from their competitor FriendHouse instead.  That would really force them to drop down their prices.

Sigh, but alas, K, L and I would never have the heart to do that, nor the stomachs.  We love Tasty too much — we could never do such a thing.  And besides, even with their 50-cent raise, they’re still significantly cheaper than FriendHouse.  This just means we’re doomed, and Tasty has completely doomed us.  Doooooommmmmm.

This weekend I made a terrible mistake.  Yesterday I tried to be adventurous and branch out from my usual beef/chicken and broccoli lunch special with white rice and wonton soup.  So instead I decided to get mango chicken with white rice and egg drop soup.  Ugh, terrible mistake.  I mean it was fine, of course it was still really good, everything on the menu from Tasty King is really good, but it just wasn’t as good, you know?  The mango made everything really sweet and on top of that the chicken had sweet and sour sauce all over it, so the entire thing was just too sweet, and sweet is really not what you crave when you’re hungover on the weekends.  Savory is really what I needed.  And the egg drop soup was really good too, it just wasn’t the usual clear salty chicken broth that I always crave on weekend afternoons.  I couldn’t even finish my meal because I was slightly disgusted by all the sweetness.  That was the first time since I started going to Tasty King that I couldn’t finish my meal.  I was disappointed in myself for not being able to finish it, but more so than that, I was disappointed in myself for betraying my usual beef/chicken and broccoli lunch special.  Beef/Chicken and broccoli had been nothing but good to me all these months, and I completely betrayed its trust.  I am such a traitor.

Today I went running back with open arms to my usual beef and broccoli with white rice and wonton soup and found to my horror that the Tasty King lunch special prices had GONE UP.  I couldn’t believe it.  I gave the lady my usual $5.50 and she stared at me and yelled in her little Chinese accent “FIVE NINETY FIVE.”  What?!?!?!  I took another look at all the lunch special prices — beef and broccoli had indeed gone up 40 cents to $5.95 and chicken and broccoli had gone up 50 cents to $5.75.  THIS WAS BULLSHIT.  WTF.  I had been nothing but an incredibly loyal customer to Tasty King and they fucking up their prices.  I have been so upset this entire weekend.

Every single day this week, I expensed cabs to and from work and expensed either lunch and/or dinner at the office.  Why?  Because I have been going into work at 5:30am and leaving at 9pm.  Why?  Because I am a workaholic, and because I am poverexic.  It sure was worth all the ridiculously early mornings and late nights.  I spent $0 this week and ate the most incredible meals.  For example, yesterday I had the most incredible steak sandwich with bacon, cheddar and caramelized onions from the Cupping Room and ate it on my walk home from work around 8pm.  It was seriously the best thing ever.  But maybe not as best as this:

Biggest Burger Delicious

HOLLLYYYYYYYYYYY CCCCCRRRRRAAAAAAPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This week has been incred so far.  Today for lunch we got a pizza lunch for free because we were working too much.  So I had 3, plus a muffin and salad.  THEN!!!  For dinner, roommate L cooked one of the steaks he generously and dericiously gifted me for my birthday.  Apparently it wasn’t even one of the “great” ones (he bought 3 good quality and 2 great quality steaks), but it was all an incredibly dericious feast to me.

Before

Homemade Mac & Cheese

After

Today was pretty good.  For lunch I had the hamburger from Big Daddy’s that I had leftover from Sunday when I was working all day and my boss let me expense my dinner.  The bottom bun was incredibly soaked with grease, but the burger was really good anyway once I heated it up in the microwave.

Big Daddy

I didn’t get a chance to eat the leftovers yesterday because my boss bought me sushi lunch special (3 roll lunch special with miso soup and salad) yesterday for working too much.  I have the best managers in the world.

THEN!  Today after work I went with A to one of the most incredible bbq’s I’ve ever been to (food-wise) in my entire life.  Crowd-wise, it was a bit awk.  We were the youngest people there by maybe 10 years since all the people there were a bunch of Harvard ’89 guys.  And these guys were FASCINATING.  Fascinatingly successful.  This one doctor guy that I met – A calls him McDreamy – he fascinated me, one of the most impressive entrepreneurs I’ve met to date, with an MD and strong VC background, and I couldn’t even keep track of all the companies that he started that he was telling me about, in addition to starting this new research on some new super secret anti-obesity drug (I have a new super secret anti-obesity drug too – it’s called poverexia).  I can only hope my friends will be like this in few years time.

That nearly detracted me from the food.  Not really though.  The host, one of the Harvard ’89 guys, had the most incredible place with the most incredible food at this bbq — hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken fajitas, grilled shrimp, fancy salad, tomato-basil-mozzarella, corn salad, crudite, fresh fruit, fruit sorbet, and the most amazing watermelon drink I’ve ever had in my entire life with little watermelon balls floating happily inside cups of fresh watermelon juice and hidden vodka.  I finished one very full plate in under 7 minutes, then went back for another full plate, accompanied by 4 Solo cups full of watermelon dericiousness.  I stumbled out of the bbq having eaten way too much way too quickly, trying to catch a few extra minutes with Dr. S and dreaming away about entrepreneurs and VC firms.