Day 1 of eating Charlie’s Southern Style Kitchen leftover fried chicken, mac and cheese and mashed potatoes.

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Today roommate L informed me of this Discovery Channel feature on sharks and Seal Island (why he was watching this I do not know).  Seal Island is a small island near Cape Town that is home to a ton of Cape Fur Seals which in turn attracts a bunch of Great White Sharks.  Apparently research suggests that large feasts may induce mating in these Great White Sharks, as evidenced by observational studies in which huge whale carcasses are dropped in front of these sharks, they completely binge eat, and they get really full.  What happens is the large volume of food makes the sharks less aggressive, they get really dopey and exhibit drunken behavior, then they start mindlessly fucking.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_Z941j44IQ

This totally reminded me of you!!! exclaimed roommate L.  I smiled.

Thanks Tasty King beef and broccoli lunch special with pork fried rice and wonton soup — thanks to you, I have become the Great White Shark (more accurately known as the Great Yellow Shark).

I was unpleasantly woken up this morning at 12:30pm to a phone call from S who was calling me about brunch.  I had just thrown up bile a few hours ago and had completely forgotten that I had promised S I would eat an entire chicken with him at this all-you-can-eat fried chicken brunch at Charlie’s Southern Style Chicken in Harlem which is apparently known to have some of the best fried chicken in the country.  Why I promised him I’d do this I have no idea, since I don’t typically agree to go anywhere above 14th Street unless it’s to go to Tin Lizzie’s or Dorian’s in the UES.  Harlem should have been completely out of the question since I consider anything above 88th Street to no longer be Manhattan and I refuse to travel to other boroughs unless it’s to go to JFK or LGA, including Harlem which should be considered its own separate borough.  Today was especially not the day I wanted to travel outside my apartment given I was dying in my bed from A’s birthday bash the night before which is annually notorious for being a shitshow.  But S guilt tripped me and I felt bad so I got my hungover ass out of bed and met S at his office to go eat some fried chicken.

It was pouring and subway or walking was out of the question, so S and I grabbed a cab along with his coworker IM who was also questioning why he agreed to take a trip to Harlem on a Sunday afternoon.  Throughout the 30 minute and $20 cab ride I kept feeling more and more nauseated not only because I was going deeper and deeper into the heart of Harlem but also because I literally was about to puke up some more bile.  Finally, we arrive at 153 Street, IM and I  were appalled, and S was glowing with excitement for all the fried chicken he was about to eat.  I wasn’t even hungry anymore, and I was scared shitless I was going to get attacked by a poor person.

We get to Charlie’s and guess what.  You won’t even believe it.  Actually, we totally should have expected something like this.  THE PLACE HAD BEEN CLOSED FOR 8 MONTHS.  CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE IT.  LIKE REALLY!??!??!?!  ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.  Classic, this is fantastic, I couldn’t even believe it, I wanted to hurl on S’s face, I couldn’t believe I had gotten my ass out of bed to go to Harlem for THIS.  I was flipping a shit.  The guy at the door who told us the place had been closed for 8 months sensed my rage and I guess he felt bad for us so he directed us to this other restaurant on 109th and Broadway where apparently this “Charlie” guy was also cheffing.  Well we had come this far so there was no way any of us was going to go home without getting some fried chicken in Harlem so we decided to go to this other place, Rack & Soul.

As much as I hate to admit it, I have to say it was totally worth it because I had some of the most delicious fried oysters with brie, buttermilk biscuits, fried chicken, mac and cheese and mashed potatoes I’d ever had in my entire life.

Rack & Soul

And the best part about it was, IM who is this tiny kid who probably weighs less than S’s left arm, only ate one fried chicken piece and barely touched his mac and cheese and mashed potatoes, and I was feeling nauseated and was about to hurl so I really didn’t eat all too much, so at the end of the meal (which, by the way, S picked up because he felt bad for dragging us to a closed location in Harlem on a Sunday afternoon), IM gave me all of his leftovers, and I had all of my leftovers, and together I was taking home enough fried chicken, biscuits, mac and cheese and mashed potatoes to last me probably until Thursday.

Well yesterday was disastrous.  It started fantabulous when I went for sushi with my puta J and splurged and spent the most money I’ve spent on food in a really long time when we got the lunch sushi special, a special roll and edamame for $23/person.  That filled me for the rest of the day – good thing because apparently B was having a birthday dinner that I didn’t realize was a dinner because I thought Kuma Inn was a bar, and I was not planning on spending any more money on food for the day.  So in an effort to not have to eat at dinner, I filled myself up with liquids at S’s and B’s apartment including a free AMP UP that I got off the street, a bourbon on the rocks and a martini.  Then at dinner  – which was BYOB – we brought a huge bottle of wine and that is what I ate for dinner while everyone else at the table enjoyed great Cambodian tapas.  The night continued with more drinks and more bars until the next morning (today) I ralphed up some serious bright neon green AMP UP followed by some serious bright neon yellow bile.  This was good because then I wasn’t hungry until 4pm, at which point the only thing I could stomach was Tasty King house special soup.

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ok I couldn’t help myself.  I had to get another Tasty King house special soup two hours later.  I was so hungry.  When I got down there and put in my order, the lady looked at me and in her Asian voice goes “ANOTHER ONE?!?!??!?”  I just smiled and nodded.  Now I am so full of sodium.

Ugh, worked another 14 hour day again.  And this time it’s only because I’m taking off work tomorrow.  I hate days off from work.  It stresses the hell out of me because it just means twice as much work for the day before you take off work.  The only good thing about today was that I ordered myself another one of those delicious steak and pepper sandwiches from Mooncake that I swear has like 3 steaks in one single sandwich and only costs $7 (not like it matters anyway because I am going to expense it) and it’s enough protein to last me an entire year.  And then coworker A who was working almost as late as I was found the last Corona in the office kitchen and I was so upset because I really really needed that.  She didn’t mean to do that to me though; she didn’t know I drank.

Still full from yesterday’s Asia de Cuba.  Had half of yesterday’s leftover salami sandwich today, and coworker L gave me the rest of her chicken curry.  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  L IMs me around 2pm today with “Do you like curry?”  YES. OF COURSE I DO. WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  L comes over a few minutes later with her dericious leftover chicken curry and I am ecstatic.

I guess coworker P heard my excitement over there on the other side of my cubicle because next thing I know I get an IM from her being like “whatcha got there.”  DAMMIT.  Chicken curry…….. but I already ate from it……. and I spit in it.  Do you want it.  “Yes, I’ll be right there.”  DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😦 😦 😦 😦 😦  Lost a few good men today.  😦

The SoBe party later in the afternoon cheered me up — I filled myself up on a pomegranate cherry SoBe, a passionfruit citrus SoBe and a plateful of various kinds of chips.  Hooray.

Boss took me out for an incred dinner for restaurant week today at Asia de Cuba.  I had been looking forward to the dinner for weeks, and I had been wanting to go to Asia de Cuba since Buenos Aires spring 2005.  I was literally counting down the hours to leaving the office today when our IT guy D (nicest guy ever) came over to my cubicle and whispered, “Yo there’s food in the cafe.”  How did word get to the IT guy about my foodophilia?!?!  Anyway, I of course got up to rush over but first had to do my usual mass IM-ing about this discovery to all my teammates.

L (4:53:37 PM): appetizer!

Well there was a funny incident that happened last Friday at work.  Towards the end of the day, manager E comes up to me and asks, “Hey!  Did you get that bag of Cape Cod chips I gave A to give you?”  (A’s our admin.)

WHAT?!??! NO.  I was supposed to get a bag of chips?

Yeah!  Wait what?  A didn’t give it to you?  I got a big bag of chips and a small bag of chips today, and I ate the small bag but then gave the big bag to A and specifically told her to give it to you because I knew you’d want it.

Ummm WHAT!?!?!??! NO.

Manager E and I were so confused… and VERY suspicious.  E and I went over to A’s desk and opened her desk drawer (A had already left for the day) — and THERE WERE THE CHIPS.

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We both shouted.  ARE YOU SERIOUS?!??!?!??! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!  SHE HAD HIDDEN THE CHIPS FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

That was weird……………… E and I contemplated calling A out on it, but decided not to because we are nice people.

<<Fast forward to today, Monday>>

LUNCH ON THE MANAGERS FOR THE SECOND WORK DAY IN A ROW!!!!!!!!!!  Wow, what a great few days of work.  I check out the menu, and there are some Cape Cod chips on there so I decide to get them because I had been craving them since Friday’s incident.

I email admin A my order: roast beef sandwich and Cape Cod chips

Two minutes later, A leans over my cubicle and asks, “Oh hi, I got your email — do you want Cape Cod chips?  Here, I have an extra bag — do you want them?  You can have them if you want.”

UM HELL YEAH I’LL HAVE THEM, THEY WERE MINE TO BEGIN WITH!!!!!!!!!!

Ohhh sure, oh wow, thanks so much!  Are you sure I can have them?

Yes, of course, sure!  Here, have them!

UM HELL YEAH I’LL HAVE THEM, THEY WERE MINE TO BEGIN WITH!!!!!!!!!!

This was the story of the day among our team.  Soooooo awk.  At least I got a huge bag of Cape Cod chips and roast beef sandwich out of this.  And another coworker brought me a mini cupcake later in the afternoon.

This weekend, I decided to expand my horizons.  On Saturday afternoon after waking up to a terrible headache caused by drinking way too much Smuttynose that at the time tasted like delicious scotch beer that the next morning tasted like vomit in my mouth, I was picking up my phone to make my usual Saturday afternoon call to Tasty King when I suddenly decided to be adventurous.  For years now the only Chinese food I had ever ordered for myself was combination beef and broccoli with pork fried rice (and at Tasty King this comes with wonton soup), and today I felt like doing something different with my life.  So I got the lunch special General Gao’s with pork fried rice and wonton soup.

It was fine, but after finishing the wonton soup and just a few bites of General Gao’s I felt like ralphing it all up, which was a good thing because that meant having to save the rest for Sunday.  So this afternoon, I woke up to a terrible headache and nausea caused by drinking way too much beer, sangria, vodka sodas and tequila shots that at the time tasted like deliciousness that the next morning tasted like vomit in my mouth, except today it was literal vomit.  After throwing up my usual bile I was starving, so really good thing I still had 80% of my General Gao’s leftover from yesterday.

After inhaling my General Gao’s in under three minutes, I opened my Gmail to find an email from roommate L, who spent the weekend at Martha’s Vineyard, with subject line and photo attachment:

Here’s my better friend 80$ plate of lobster shrimp scallops and clams

BFF

Totally not fair.

Today was a CLOSE CALL.  At 11:45am I was starving so was getting up to make my usual ramen, when right then I catch a glimpse of an incoming email from our admin with subject line ORDERING LUNCH FOR THE TEAM – PLEASE SEND ME YOUR MENU CHOICES BY NOON

GASPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CLICK. OPEN. GASPPPPPPPPPP TODAY’S SPECIALS CURRIED CHICKEN SALAD SANDWICH!!!!!!!!!!!!  LUNCH ON MANAGERSSSSSSSSSSSS FRIDAYYYYYY HAPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank heavens I didn’t make my ramen!

TODAY WAS THE MOST INCRED DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  At 10am this morning, I find out from our admin that there are THREE LUNCH MEETINGS TODAY WITH FOOD.  You know what that means.  TRIPLE LEFTOVERS!!!!!!!!!  I immediately notified all of my teammates via AIM and then generously offered to help our admin “clean up” after each of the meetings.  She saw right through it.  Dammit.

Anyway, the first meeting that ended had one wrap leftover on the food tray, salad and pasta.  EEEKKKKK I gasped and literally ran over to the tray as another girl was walking toward the tray.  Ohhhhh heeeyyyyyyy I awkwardly said as I held victory (the last wrap) in my hands.  Then immediately three of my other teammates rushed over (of course I beat them all to it).

“Ohhhh whaattttttt where’d you get that wrap!??!??!” says coworker D.  Ohhhhhhh ummmmm I got the last one left ……….. <<long pause of hesitation>> ummmm do you want like a biteee or somethingggg……… (crying inside).  “No, it’s ok.”  THANK GOD.

“Waaaahhhhhh????????? There were sandwiches?!?!??!?!” says coworker A as she sees my plate.  Ohhhhhhh ummmmm I got the last one left ……….. <<SIGH>>  do you want like a bite or something……… (getting really protective).  “Nooooooo, it’s okkkkkk.”  OK!!!!!  Jesus Christ.

Coworker K comes over.  JESUS CHRIST I MEAN REALLY!??!??!  “Wait, where’d you get that wrap.”  I GOT THE LAST ONE, I’M REALLY REALLY SORRY, I HAVEN’T HAD LUNCH <<SWIFT EXIT>>

That was a close one.  Nearly lost a wrap.

Then, the second meeting that ended was INDIAN FOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMGOMOGMOGMOGMOGM WE’VE NEVER HAD INDIAN FOOD AT THE OFFICE BEFORE AND IT’S LIKE MY 4TH FAV KIND OF FOOD AFTER CHINESE, MEXICAN AND JAPANESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Omg it was incred.  I don’t even know what everything is called because I don’t speak Asian but there was soooooo much rice and vegetarian stuff and curry things and chicken!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I WANT KABOB AND CURRY.

THEN!!!  The third meeting that ended was ITALIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  This has been such an international day!!!!  There was baked ziti and grilled veggies and salad (that’s considered Italian).  I was so overwhelmed by the amount of food today that the way I decided to ration this out was wrap/salad/pasta for lunch, Indian for dinner, Italian saved for tomorrow.

Then, literally 20 minutes later, coworker D yells over her desk to me, “L THERE’S FOOD IN THE CAFE!!!!!!!”

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay ahead of you.