Poverexic in NYC

Yesterday was a day full of pizza and cupcakes!  At noon I had this “diversity meeting” to discuss diversity.  I thought they had just picked out all the minorities at the office and pulled them into a room, but when I got to the meeting I was literally the only minority out of a group of 6 people.  Don’t know why I was surprised by this since the entire PR industry is just young pretty white girls.  I only fit 2 out of those 3 criteria.  Guess which 2.

Anyway, so we sat around discussing diversity for an hour which mainly meant me voicing my opinion at every question being like “No, I don’t think our company is diverse.  Everyone at our office is a young blond white girl, and I am only 2 of those,” and everyone else agreeing.  But the best part of this entire meeting was the boxes and boxes of pizza, which was clearly left untouched by all the girls at the meeting and consumed solely by ME.

Then I came home to some dericious pizza cupcakes made by roommate M for dinner, followed by dericious red velvet cupcakes made by roommate K for dessert.  I felt like I was on Wheel of Fortune, category: Before and After.  Riddle: What all did I eat today?

Pizza — Pizza Cupcakes — Cupcakes

Before and After!  Da na na naaaaaaaa!

And then here’s a lovely limerick composed by roommate M about us:

four roomies enjoyed pizza cupcakes
as much as they like cooking up steaks
poverexic at times
and saving their dimes
until they could eat away their stomachs

Last night I finally used the Benihana $50 gift certificate that my bosses had gifted me for my birthday back in September.  This — combined with the fact that just last week I had finally finished using up my $25 gift certificate that my sister had gifted me for my birthday back in September — exemplifies how excellent I am at making food last as long as possible.  This is like how I will go grocery shopping in July (buying about $25 worth of canned soup and instant noodles) and make that last through December.

Anyway, so last night I took my roommates K, L and M out to dinner at Benihana’s with me because I was feeling especially generous (only for my roommates), and it was the most incredible food experience ever.  Teppanyaki and sushi are quite possibly the only things I like about Japan.  And those teppanyaki chefs looooooove an audience like us — we’re so friendly and we constantly cheer them on and we always finish all the food they put on our plates.  And any burned pieces they leave on the griddle.

Here was our meal:

Jumbo Shrimp

Swift Hands

Filet Mignon

As most of you probably know, Benihana gives you an amazing deal where with an entree you get mushroom onion soup, salad, shrimp appetizer, a side of rice, and grilled zucchini, mushrooms and onions.  I got FILET MIGNON. 🙂 🙂 🙂

Happy very belated birthday to me.

Yesterday was my boss J’s last day in the office. 😦  It was a sad day, but the happiest part was that I inherited all her food.  Boss J was known for her entire cardboard box full of goodies, and I was known for my bottomless pit of a stomach, so we were really compatible at work.  When she left, she literally left the entire box at my desk because she knew none of the other girls would take it.  YES.  I WILL TAKE IT.

When I opened the box, it was like Christmas morning, except better.  Because I stopped getting gifts for Christmas the year I stopped believing in Santa.  Which was when I was like 18.

Anyway.

The box contained beautiful presents like Kashi cereal, canned soup, one of those big containers of oatmeal, a jar of soybutter, a jar of almond butter, a half-eaten bag of cinnamon raisin bread, a box of Altoids, a bottle of vitamin C tablets and a bottle of multivitamins, among other things that I hadn’t even uncovered yet.

This should probably last me the rest of Q1 2010.  My squirrel cheeks are stored sooo full of nuts right now.

SQUIRREL!!!!!!  I just met you and I love you.

Yesterday — Sunday — roommate K put on her coat in the late afternoon and told me she was heading to the grocery store.  Um, why.  It’s Sunday.  Why are you leaving the couch.  I was so confused, but her answer was MUSIC TO MY EARS!!!!!!!

“I’m going to bake cupcakes.”

WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!!!!!!!!!!  How do you make cupcakes?!??!?!?!  I thought she was going to come home with Pillsbury just-add-water cupcake mix, but instead she came home with an entire bag of fresh ingredients!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  What the WHAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ingredients

How is it red?!?!?!

Red Velvet Deliciousness

Pre-Icing

Red Velvet Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Icing

I was super impressed by roommate K.  This was a whole new world.  She even made the cream cheese icing from scratch!!!!!!!!!  I had never seen anything like it.  And the end product was RED VELVETY DERICIOUSNESS.  I had 2 for dinner today.

This weekend was absolutely incred.  It all started out with an amazing Friday afternoon at work where admin A gave us the heads up that there were 3 client meetings going on that day with both breakfast and lunch foods.  JACKPOT!!!!!!!!  Coworker K and I, who sit right next to admin A, were designated as the team leaders for heading up this scouting effort and responsible for alerting the rest of the team when each of the meetings were finished.  Our office works on a first-come-first-serve basis, and I’m always first.  This Friday afternoon I scored a bagel and a plate full of strawberries from the breakfast meeting, and then 2 sliders, a mini salami sandwich, a mini turkey sandwich, and a mini tomato mozzarella sandwich, bowtie pasta, a plate of salad, 2 diet Cokes and 3 vanilla cookies from the lunch meetings.  I really did a great job of securing a well balanced meal for myself that day.

Then on Friday night I met my puta J for “dinner,” which really just meant that J would eat dinner and I would just sit there and drink with her.  We met at Republic, though, and the menu just looked so good and I felt like a real girl not eating at the table, so I decided to order a $4 pork bruschetta.  We ended up eating and drinking for like 3 hours and then decided to go crash S’s date with some dude who claimed to be an FBI agent (uh huh) at this really nice French restaurant nearby.  Then circa 2am it was off to meet F and roommates at Solas, where F bought me beers and shots all night long because he is a generous man and is not poverexic.  Shots shots shots shots if you ain’t gettin drunk get the fuck out the club!!!

Saturday was the day I was really waiting for — M’s birthday party.  This party was a train wreck in a really great way.  We started out at W’s apartment for a pregame consisting of the most impressive spread of foods I’ve ever seen at a pregame, which of course constituted my dinner.

Pregame Food

And the most adorable cupcakes ever from Cupcakes by Melissa:

Mini Cupcakes

I felt like I was in a scene from Alice in Wonderland.

This food was all accompanied by celebratory drinks funded by M’s dad J, who was generous enough to provide each of us there with our own bottle of prosecco, which really turned out to be serious bad news several hours later.  After an incred pregame, we all headed over to The Anchor, where M’s dad J again gifted us with table service and yet another bottle of champagne.  Within 30 minutes we were the sloppiest group of dancers anyone had ever seen in their lives, I was on a seriously aggressive mission to find men, and everyone had so much fun that none of us remembered what the hell happened the next morning.  I then proceeded to throw up a bottle of prosecco into the toilet this morning and attempted to settle my tummy with 3 cans of diet Coke.

Happy Birthday, M.  And thanks M’s dad J.

Last night I came home and remembered how much I had missed my roommates — it had practically been since before Christmas that I had seen them.  It was negative 50 degrees outside and I come home to the smell of homemade soup simmering on the stove with 2 huge bottles of wine next to the TV.  Roommate M was making his specialty tomato soup that’s apparently super healthy and simple — it’s literally just tomatoes and onions and a bunch of spices including basil, salt and pepper.  With a dollop of creme fraiche of course.  I’VE BEEN SO HEALTHY LATELY!!!

Then roommate M asks me the oddest question ever: “Do you want just a grilled cheese sandwich, or do you want a grilled cheese sandwich with bacon?”

UHHHHHHHH do I want a $10 bill or do I want a $100 bill?!?!??!  I mean what kind of question is that?!??!?!  UHHHHHHH HAROOOOO PREASSSEEEEEE.

Grilled cheese with tomato soup

And as if grilled cheese bacon sandwich dipped in fresh tomato soup with creme fraiche wasn’t good enough, roommate L then comes out of the kitchen with a plate full of delicious little babies:

STEAK

BEST ROOMMATES EVEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

J’S WEDDING WAS THE WEDDING OF THE YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Weddings are seriously the best free event for guests ever invented by mankind.  As the first wedding I’ve ever been in, this one definitely far exceeded my expectations.  This was an entire weekend just packed full of activities:

New Year’s Eve — happy hour, dinner, going out

New Year’s Day — bridal brunch, rehearsal dinner, dessert party

Wedding Day — brunch, cocktail hour, reception dinner, wedding cake

And New Year’s Day and Wedding Day were LITERALLY 100% FREE AND DERICIOUS.  HEART J AND HER FAM!!!!!!!

Free meal #1: Bridal brunch — homemade blintzes with fruit, cinnamon buns and mimosas:

Bridal Brunch

Free meal #2: Rehearsal dinner — BY FAR the best food experience of the entire weekend.

First, butler-style hors d’oeuvres that were constantly being passed around, along with trays of silver coin margaritas and trays of red and white wine, and it was all SO GOOD.  There was this sweetened ham thing on crostini, oyster with spinach and cheese in its oyster shell, ceviche with a creamy fish sauce, beef cheeks, veggie egg rolls, and some delicious thing on cucumber.  Not exaggerating, I had 5 ham things, 4 oysters, 3 ceviches, 4 beef cheeks, 2 egg rolls and 2 cucumber things.  The butler and I quickly became bff because I was the only one paying so much attention to him, and every time he’d come straight to me and stick the tray in my face and go “You know you waaaannnnnttttttt!!!”  Uhhhhhhhhh YES PREASEEEEEEE.

Rehearsal Dinner Hors D'Oeuvres

THEN THE REHEARSAL DINNER WAS THE MEAL I HAD BEEN WAITING FOR ALL THESE MONTHS: THE CORNBREAD STUFFED QUAIL AND FILET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  OMG it was everything I had ever hoped and dreamed.

Cornbread Stuffed Quail

Free meal #3: Dessert party — after the dinner party there were little mini desserts being passed around, accompanied by even more wine and margaritas.  They were all INCRED.

Dessert Party

This was all incred for me, but I was sitting next to bff D who kept having bad luck this rehearsal dinner night.  First, poor D over there was 1 of 2 Jews at this entire wedding, and she’s the real Jew kind so she couldn’t eat the ham things UM ONLY THE BEST ITEM ON THAT ENTIRE TRAY.  Unfortunate Jew.  Second, she chose the salmon dish over the cornbread stuffed quail and filet.  Poor choice.  Third, she’s allergic to chocolate so she couldn’t try the most delicious dessert of them all: the mini chocolate cakes with raspberry.  THREE STRIKES AND YOU’RE OUT, MY FRIEND!  Actually not really.  Regardless of food choice/restrictions, everything was super dericious.  I ate so much and my dress was so tight at the waist that by the end of the night, I was literally throwing up a little in my mouth.  In a happy way.

Free meal #4: Wedding day lunch — a really good beef sandwich on olive bread with sea salt chips while we’re getting J ready for her big day:

Wedding Day Lunch

Free meal #5: Wedding reception!!! The big day came with mini quesadillas, quiches and crab cakes during cocktail hour, followed by an incred soup, salad and chicken cordon bleu type dish EXCEPT WITH BACON BITS INSIDE with mashed potatoes and green beans.  Again, Jew D couldn’t eat the bacon bits so I hovered over her plate eating the bacon while she ate the chicken around it.

Wedding Reception

The best free portion of the wedding reception, though, was the open bar where I had 2 margaritas, 4 Jack and cokes and a glass of red wine and wasn’t even tipsy because of all the dericious food that I had consumed over the past several days that was padding my happy belly.

This was seriously the best weekend ever.  Despite my strong feelings against monogamy, I strongly support the social celebration that always accompanies marriages.  Cheers to J&M!!!

— COUNTDOWN TO J’S WEDDING —

Yesterday, I didn’t finish my Tasty King house special soup.  I am a SICK human being.  Absolutely disgusting.  If I saw me today, I wouldn’t recognize me.  Unbelievable, but yesterday I could only stomach half of my house special soup, then I tried to finish the rest later and just couldn’t, so I had no other option but to throw it out.  I really have mixed feelings about the past several days of illness… I unnecessarily throw out food, yet at the same time, I have only been eating one soup for the entire day for like 4 days straight, combined with a carton of Tropicana OJ a day and like 5 different kinds of meds and vitamins and preventatives.  I am so full of water weight right now.

On a related note, check out these very fitting cartoons from CollegeHumor that describe my life:

College Humor 1

College Humor 2

Last night I rejected a free meal.  S invited us over for a pre-Christmas Eve feast of turkey and ham galore, and I just couldn’t make it.  That’s when I know I’m REALLY sick.  The dinner was at 8pm, and I was in bed by 7:45pm.  This is so pathetic.  Now I am really regretting that free lunch from boss J.  That may have been the worst idea in the history of my life.  Now I’m declining other free meals left and right.  And I had to spend over $8 on Tylenol Cold that could have been better spent on 1.5 Tasty King Lunch Specials.  This whole thing is so not to my benefit!!!!!

The only thing that’s making me feel better is the very generous $25 gift certificate to Whole Foods from my sister that I found in the mail.  BEST CHRISTMAS GIFT EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!  How does everyone know the best gift you could ever give me is food.  I am so psyched about this.  I wish Santa existed so he could bring me free delivery every single day for the rest of my life.  Now that would be a REAL Christmas miracle.