Poverexic in NYC

Last night was awesome which meant today was awful.  After an incred champagne party where everyone got their own bottle of champagne on top of open bar all night, I woke up at 9am to a splitting headache and nauseating feeling in my tummy.  Uh oh.  Not again.  I have always been known for my incred vomiting skills that are like Pringles — once I pop I can’t stop.  After that first hurl I was throwing up twice an hour every hour from 9am-3pm.  I couldn’t even take my Excedrin because I knew I’d puke it up.  I knew the only thing that would make me feel better was my Tasty King lunch special — this time chicken and broccoli with white rice with wonton soup (in an effort to be healthier than my usual beef and broccoli with pork fried rice with wonton soup).  I was cutting it close since their lunch special ends at 4pm.

I ordered right at 3pm, but then something terrible happened.  When the food arrived, I took one look at it, and I had to hurl again.  Oh no.  I was so ashamed that I had done such a terrible thing to Tasty.  How offensive.  I am so sorry I threw up at you.  I was so upset that I crawled back into bed until 4:30pm, when I finally felt ok enough to go back and apologize to Tasty and start eating my wonton soup and chicken and broccoli with white rice.  The only good thing about days like these is that I always end up eating only one meal all day, which means that with Friday’s free dinner at work, yesterday’s free Shabbat brunch and today’s $5.50 Tasty King, all I spent all weekend was $5.50.  Another successful weekend.

Woke up STARVING this morning.  This always happens when I eat a full meal the night before — I’m just hungrier the next day.  Terrible.  I am at a complete loss right now as to what I should do.  I am dying to order my usual Tasty King lunch special for $5.50 but I am supposed to go to a Shabbat picnic in Central Park at 2pm where I know there’s just going to be a cornucopia of Jewish food, l’chaim!!!  I don’t know if I can wait 2.5 hours to eat.  To tide me over, I will chew on ice and fall back asleep.

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B’S SHABBAT WAS AMAZING.  Shabbat Shalom!!  There was so much incredible food — endless bread and cheese, pita and hummus and baba ganoush, olives, mozarella balls, fresh veggies, grapes, I ate an entire box of cherries, lox, proscuitto, raw almonds, challah (hollaaaaaa), babka, free flowing pinot grigio disguised by Gatorade bottles, and vodka soaked gummy worms (hmmm…).  C and I were the only non-Jews there, and coincidentally we are both Asian, so it was slightly awk when B took his birthright-sponsored shabbat brunch photo and there were 2 random Asians who clearly did not belong.  I belonged in spirit though, given my deep love for Judaism, particularly Purim (Haman booooo), Kosher wine, Hanukkah and the high holidays.

Yesterday and today were a mess at work.  No free food whatsoever from meetings.  Terrible.  So on Thursday I was left to just eat my usual canned soup and that is literally all I could afford to eat all day.  Luckily, F’s bday party was that night at Superdive, best bar on earth where there are no rules, and I knew I was going to score some free drinks there to fill my belly.  Boy was I right!  As soon as I arrive, we start some serious rounds of flip cup, and being on one canned soup all day, I was wasted after 3 rounds.  And after 17 more rounds of flip cup and 2 winning rounds of beirut, I was gone.  But most importantly, I was really really full.  On beer.  I am not quite sure what happened after that.

Today was a terrible day at work too where yet again there was no free food from meetings, so I yet again had to go into my stash of canned soup that I bought with my own money.  I was not happy (although that Manhattan Clam Chowder was pretty damn good).

However, the day started looking better food-wise and worse work-wise as we got closer to the end of the day.  It seems it usually works this way where food and work are an inverse relationship — makes sense, since the later I stay at work the better my chances of being able to expense a meal.  At 6pm when I should have been heading out of work to enjoy my weekend, I still had 4+ hours left of work to do and wanted to cry, but I was really hungry since I had only eaten soup all day and my stomach was really looking forward to some free food.  Coworker D was in the same position, and so we decide to order some Malaysian food from Penang and we order a feast.  We get Roti Canai as appetizers, she gets curry, I get pad thai, and we get thai iced teas and mangoes and sticky rice.  Then, as if the day couldn’t get any better, right as we had just put in our Seamless Web order, I get a text from coworker P: “Hey!  I left work early and I left 1/2 yogurt/fruit thing in the fridge if you want the rest.  I’m sure it will be bad by Monday.”  BEST COWORKER EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ended up leaving work at 10:30pm, having finally finished all my work and having finally fed myself a really full and dericious – but most importantly, free – meal.

Today was alright.  I had that leftover half of steak and pepper sandwich from yesterday for lunch, then right as I was on my last bite, coworker P comes over to my cubicle and whispers, “Hey, you hungry?”  Well, I just ate, but YES.  WHERE’S THE FOOD.  She motions for me to come follow her and we scurry over to the other side of the office, where there is a hidden meeting room full of hidden sandwiches and salad!!!!!!!  We remain very silent during this entire endeavor, I quickly grab a turkey sandwich, and we scurry back to our desks without anyone noticing.  Five minutes later, I hear admin A whine, “I cleaned everything up after the meeting, and I didn’t even get a sandwich!”  Oops, sorry.  Like I tell people all the time, you gotta be quick around here.  Not just quick — RAPID FIRE.

So I eat this sandwich around 5pm, an hour before a group of us leave work early to go to the movie premiere of The Time Traveler’s Wife, compliments of our good ole vendor who is this 65 year old guy who used to work in TV production who loves us because we’re a group of beautiful, fun, young girls.  I was really excited to catch a glimpse of Rachel McAdams and Eric Bana, but I was more excited to get some free popcorn because I was starving after the sandwich had digested itself.  The last premiere I went to — Nights of Rodanthe (worst movie ever) — there was endless popcorn and free water bottles, so I was looking forward to the same.

My expectations were completely in line — we arrive to the theater, there are tons of famous looking people that I don’t recognize looking beautiful on the red carpet, and I rush straight to grab a bag of popcorn, and then a second, when one of the theater Nazis rudely shakes her finger at me, “Only one popcorn per person.”  Goddammit. Bitch.

Thank god five minutes later coworker A (who also came to the movies and was a few minutes late) calls me — I thought she was calling to find me in the theater, but instead she asks “Hey, do you want me to get you an extra bag of popcorn?  I don’t want any so I can get some for you.”  FAV COWORKER EVER!!!!!  So for dinner I inhaled two bags of incredibly salty popcorn and was so dehydrated afterwards that I downed an entire bottle of water, followed by a medium diet coke (all free).

The movie was alright.  And by alright I mean pretty terrible.  But the best part was that as we were exiting the theater, I saw Ron Livingston, aka Berger from Sex and the City, which I prefer to spell Burger from Sex and the City, and I yelled BURGER!  I LOVE BURGER!  He knew what I was talking about.  We made eye contact and he smiled.

ummmmmm yeaaahhhhhh that was one big fat lie.  I had just eaten an entire order of chicken and broccoli with white rice in one sitting last night.  I just didn’t want to spend $3 on a lunch by splitting that $6 mac and cheese and chicken thing with coworker P.  But of course I couldn’t tell her that because I think she would seriously reconsider me as a normal human if she found out I was too stingy to spend $3 on lunch.  In all seriousness though, I had really reached my max limit this past Sunday-Monday when I spent more money on food in a single 36-hour period since my birthday in September 2008.  So I really need to lay off on buying food when I can just eat free stuff, like the pitcher of orange juice that was left on the cafe counter later today.

Ruckily, I worked another 13-hour day today so was able to expense my dinner, which meant ordering my usual steak and pepper sandwich from Mooncakes, which — combined with the other items I had eaten earlier today: a leftover piece of bread from coworker P’s lunch, a handful of roasted almonds from coworker J, and a handful of dark and milk chocolates from coworker E — did not really support my “trying to eat healthier” lie.  Even more ruckier, I had such a headache from these 13-hour work days (and the office Starbucks machine had been broken both yesterday and today and I had been cranky for 48 hours straight from not having my usual 5 daily cups of coffee) that I didn’t even feel like finishing both halves of my Mooncakes sandwich … which means I have a whole other half of steak sandwich leftover for tomorrow.  RUCKYYYYYY!!!

I am disappointed to say I have had one of the most anti-poverexic 36 hours I’ve had since my birthday dinner last year when I spent $70 on a tortilla soup from Mama Mexico’s.  After waking up to a splitting headache yesterday at 1pm after a night of S’s bday celebration at Slainte, I immediately ordered my usual Tasty King lunch special beef and broccoli with pork fried rice with wonton soup.  I usually eat my Sunday brunch over two hours or so of good Sunday TV or DVR-ed goodness, so as I was nearly at the halfway mark of finishing my Tasty King an hour later, I get a phone call from S wanting to go to Zum Schneider’s for liter beers.

I had just eaten but I was up for liter beers and S and J’s leftover wiener schnitzel so I walk down sketchy Ave C (otherwise known as Little Bosnia) to find S and J finishing up their hangover food and liter beers.  I was excited to see what sorts of dericious leftovers S and J had for me, but to my great disappointment all S had leftover was a short fat soft white piece of sausage that really resembled something I was all too familiar with.  As much as that would normally delight me, I just wasn’t up for that crap on a hungover Sunday afternoon.  I took one bite of it and spat it back out.

Upset, I leaned over to take a better look at J’s plate.  Whatcha got there.  But what was leftover on her plate looked like a patch of sticky gnats, otherwise known as potato dumplings, otherwise resembling the rancid fried rice goo I had experienced just a few weeks back.  I don’t know what was wrong with me.  This was virtually the first time I had declined free food.  What I did instead was order myself a $15 liter dark beer and then a few hours later, order myself a $20 hamburger and french fries while catching up on all my missed episodes of True Blood at S’s new apt (as roommate L likes to say – Sookie, I take great pleasure in your monthlies).

Then today, despite the fact that I had an entire half order of Tasty King beef and broccoli with pork fried rice leftover from yesterday that I ate today for lunch (this time I had refridgerated it, so the pork fried rice had not turned to goo), I was still starving by dinner time, so I ordered myself another Tasty King dinner.  I was upset at myself for how I had behaved the past 36 hours, so I decided to treat myself to something different by ordering chicken and broccoli instead of my usual beef and broccoli.  I have to say it really made me feel better – it was like I had discovered a whole new world.  Chicken and broccoli was so much fresher, so much healthier, so much more refreshing.  The only downside is that because it tastes so much deceivingly healthier, I finished the entire order in one sitting, whereas with beef and broccoli I can make it last over two meals.

All in all, in the past 36 hours, I spent $10 on Tasty King, $15 on liter beer, and $20 on hamburger and fries.  That sets a personal record for the amount of money I’ve spent on food in less than a week.  To compensate, I will scrounge extra hard for the rest of the week.

Last night was S’s bday dinner which meant a lot of free food.  I was so excited for this dinner all week – it was at Quality Meats, an incred steakhouse, and I couldn’t even remember the last time I ate steak in the city (oh never mind yes I do – it was when roommate L made me steak a few months back, and before that it was when my parents took me to Smith & Wollensky on my bday in September 2008.  I guess it’s fair to say I eat steak on average 3 times a year, not by choice, but due to budget).  I had starved myself all day in preparation for this big feast, and I think all 13 of us invitees were too, plus this one random Asian kid who came along with A/D to the dinner which was quite odd and rude considering it was an all-paid-for steak dinner.

Anyway, I started out by ordering myself half a dozen oysters, 4 bottles of Malbec to start for the table, a dirty martini extra dirty with extra olives (my drink of choice), and S ordered all the sides on the menu for the table – including creamed spinach, corn creme brulee, truffle fries, fried potatoes, fried mushrooms, gnocchi and cheese, etc.  For the dinner, as per C’s rec I ordered the seared three filets, which was steak three ways with three different sauces – on a scale from dericious to rearry dericious, this was REARRY DERICIOUS.

Quality Meats

Then we had a huge bday cake that S’s sister J had gotten from Magnolia, which is essentially like putting 50 of their cupcakes together = ULTIMATE DERICIOUSNESS.

Magnolia Cake

This amazing dinner concluded with everyone giving their own toasts to S, mine being that S is the reason I am still alive today, not as a starving African child, and that his generous leftovers have sustained me through my past 2 years here in NYC.  WE MUST END POVEREXIA!!! replied S.

No — LONG LIVE POVEREXIA.

Last night was great!  Went to dinner with the girls at Paprika because SP was in town.  I had actually already eaten dinner by then, but I joined them for many wonderful bottles of red and white wine.  Also, Paprika has really great bread and olive oil.  As everyone else at the table began ordering and getting their dishes, I kept a close eye on each plate, making sure that nothing was going to waste.  I noticed on the other side of the table that C and R were sharing a deliciously green looking salad that they hadn’t touched since they got their main dishes.  I guess C caught me staring  since she silently motioned at me, then her plate, mouthing “you want?!?!”  My eyes lit up ARE YOU SURE?!??!??!  I am really not that hungry since I already ate, but you know how I hate things going to waste.  “I know you hate things going to waste.  Please have this delicious salad with waluts and goat cheese.”

It was almost like deja vu after dinner when we walked one block over to T’s rooftop birthday party where there were chips and guac and leftovers of another delicious looking salad with walnuts, blue cheese and raspberries.  Everyone else was really focused more on the keg by this point, so I grabbed my Solo cup full of Jack over ice, waltzed over to the food table, and helped myself to the rest of the remaining salad.  This was one of the healthiest nights I’ve had in a while!

ROOMMATE L’S DINNER WAS DERICIOUS LAST NIGHT.  He made grilled sea bass and shrimp with egg noodles and truffle butter and pearl tomatoes, and fresh salad with walnuts and blue cheese.  IT WAS REARRY DERICIOUS.

REARRY DERICIOUS

I had work off again today.  So again I went to sushi lunch with my puta J, but this time I got hungry again by 5pm so I finally got to eat my Charlie’s Southern Style Chicken leftovers.  It was still good.

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LUCKILY THOUGH 10 minutes later at 12:30pm there was a surprise TEAM PIZZA LUNCH WITH DELICIOUS CAKES AND CANNOLIS!!!!!!!!!!!! omgomogmogmomg

And then, today more and more food kept coming out of meetings.  It was incred.  This was actually the first day in years that I’ve felt overwhelmed and panicked by food.  I was panicked because I still had my last portion of leftover Charlie’s Southern Style Kitchen fried chicken with mac and cheese and mashed potatoes leftover, and I knew that with all this free food flying around me, I wouldn’t get to the fried chicken in time and it would go bad.  This has happened before.  You really have to play it right with leftovers – you want to stretch it out at just the right pace so that the leftovers last you as long as possible, BEFORE it physically goes bad.  Because then, that’s the worst – when you realize that you’ve paced yourself TOO slow so that you’ve actually ended up wasting food because the food actually goes bad and you literally can’t eat it because it’s become moldy.  I really really hope that hasn’t happened with my fried chicken — I’m too scared to check it out.  It’s still in its takeout box and brown bag.  Since roommate L is cooking tonight, and I am going for sushi with my puta J tomorrow, and I don’t eat on the weekends before I got out, and Saturday is S’s bday festivities and dinner, this probably means I most likely won’t get to my last portion of Charlie’s Southern Style Kitchen leftovers until Sunday.  And by then I will really be craving Tasty King.  This is quite the dilemma.